Hopeless

I feel hopeless. I miss the people who used to be close to me, yet it was a nightmare with all of the arguing and dependency...I wonder how things ever got so bad and terribly destructive in my life. To this point..where I'm drinking to numb the pain, and hanging out with people who I'm sure will be gone soon, or who I'm not sure how to be close to or if I even want that with them. I don't really want a new relationship or close friends, yet I'm lonely. I just want to escape the pain. I'll do anything to get away from it! I feel like I've been facing it for so long...I really don't know how people carry on like this :(