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Posted 2/28/2012 8:41 AM (GMT 0)
Let me tell you about the love of my life

I met him in college. We were complete opposites. I was a bookworm and he was a social bee. We have a beautiful daughter now who is four and we've been together for six years. We are almost thirty. He told me we will get married this Decmeber 21 2012, when the Mayan Calendar has predicted the end of the world we will begin our journey to forever.

Then he asked that I leave him alone, to fix himself. He is on meth and it has come to a point that it has to be stopped. he had to stop. i told him that i want to still be here. but my presence suffocates him. he loves me and he will come back but he needs to need me again. he needs to make sure that i deserve better.

i am confused. i want to move on because i do not understand why this cant make our relationship stronger. i want to help but he wont let me.

he doesnt believe in therapy. he told me he will just shout at the doctor. he is very stubborn. his presence in my life now is causing me emotional turmoil.

i don't know what to do
Posted 2/28/2012 9:09 AM (GMT 0)
I've been there, done that. I've been the rock when needed, and stepped away when told I wasn't wanted or needed. It's a choice you need to make for yourself, and more importantly for your child. Can you give the right answer when Daddy isn't home? Will you be able to lie to your child to hide his addiction? If so, do it..see where he ends up, and by the grace of you being strong, maybe, just maybe...he'll be the father and husband you both deserve. Just don't let it take away who you are and who you should be. Men will come and go unfortunately, and very MAYBE he'll be there, but in the long run, you think about you; who you are and who you want your child to know, because he is a maybe, always will be too if you have to pull him out of his current lifestyle...trust me, I know. But then, sometimes they grow up and are the most supportive person you could dream of, and sometimes their still a meth or coke or pot head....
Posted 2/28/2012 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
Though we aren't suppose to discuss drugs on this forum, I still have to say... Your life wont be complete with him until he gets off of them. Meth is very bad. It eats you from the inside out. If you are talking about the illegal kind. It has chemicals in it that eat you up inside. He will not be a healthy man unless he stops doing it.

I agree, work on your life with your little one. Make it secure for her. Make her your top priority and never change that. You have to be both mom and dad at this time. She needs to feel secure with you.

If he changes and gets off the drugs, you may have a good relationship. But if it is spiratic and here and there, don't count on him to be there for you because in his mind, that drug will always come first. I hope it changes for your sake.

He does need medical help. But it is up to him to get it. You ca'nt do that for him. I wish you the best. Keep posting. We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/29/2012 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
You would do yourself and your child well to let him go take care of himself. A person doesn't change unless it comes from within him/herself. Right now you need to think of what's best for you and your child, as the others have said.

Best wishes to you in making your decision.

take care,
carol
Posted 2/29/2012 2:10 AM (GMT 0)
Unfortunately it sounds like he is not ready to change. It also sounds like he is in denial that he really has a problem. He may say the words that he "knows" that he has a problem or that he needs to stop but deep down something tells me that he does not believe it.

At this point there is not much you can do except do what is right for you and your daughter. Do anything and everything to protect both of you in all ways. If he has keys to where you are living, change the locks. If you share any banking accounts with him get your money out and open your own accounts. If he shows up seeming to be high, angry, etc don't deal with him on your own...call the police. If he even remotely threatens you in any way get an order of protection.

As much as you care for this guy you have to do what is right for you and your daughter. You are also going to probably show some "tough love" at some point towards him. Things like not letting him back into your lives until he gets and completes some kind of drug abuse and detox program and proves over a period of time that he is clean.
Posted 2/29/2012 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
Been there, done that. Odds are, he's not coming back around anytime soon. Huge changes like that take lots of effort, courage, and strength. There is something sad inside of him that is leading him to use substances to make himself feel better. Until he can fight through ending the addiction and fixing what is broken in him, he will always be tempted to return to the drug.

Like everyone else said, take care of yourself. It may be beneficial to reach out to family and/or professional help to help you deal. Your daughter needs you and as upsetting as this situation is, it's your job to protect her from things like this. I agree with Jim that you need to take measures for your physical and financial safety.

Keep posting, we are all here to support you and offer compassion.

Courtney
Posted 2/29/2012 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
RUN, don't walk away from there. His addiction will eventually suck the lifeblood out of any "relationship", his needs will overshadow everyone else's because like Courtney said, he is broken and cannot commit to a really deep and lasting relationship.

Getting clean takes courage and willpower and the very strong conviction to stop.Most people will stumble many times before they conquer addiction. Your daughter's childhood will go by so fast, she will be gone before you know it. Focus on her and you, you owe it to both of you. You can be supportive of him, but don't let his problem overshadow your life with your daughter, she must come first.

If he doesn't believe in therapy, then he is not yet ready to do the work of getting clean. We must first look within to tackle the reason we abuse and the strength to fight that battle. Take his advice, be strong and move on. You and your daughter deserve so much better. I wish you the best.

Take care
Maggie
Posted 3/1/2012 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
I to have an addicted wife and bipolar on top of that. Its a tough decision i struggle with all the time too. I have 2 boys with her and they love her so. I have chosen the other route so far and tried everything in my power to not let her continue down that path. It has put a lot of strain on me but my boys still see a momma everyday that loves them very much. She has moved out several times. But I have always loved her and treated her with the same affection everyday. It's a decision I feel like i'm going to have to make myself on whether to leave or not. the drugs have stopped for now but other things seem to be a constant presence that destroys our relationship. I wish you the best.
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