...just a note from PA_grandma

Friends...
Things have been rough these past few months...not healthwise...(we're holding ok) emotionally, I'm in the pits.

My husband and I have been active in a business I started for almost 40 years. For ten of those our son has worked with us and we've been in the process of transferring ownership to him...staying on, without salary, just to help.

My son and I have not been getting along. Today was the final straw. He's been drinking and coming to work late, inebriated. He's a different man when he drinks, surly...angry. We've had 'words', but today it was a shouting match. I'm not proud of my behavior. I wish I had kept in control, but I've never been spoken to in such a way, by anyone.

I told (screamed) at him I'd had enough and didn't want to see him again....that I wouldn't be 'helping' anymore. He told his Dad and older brother (who also works with us), that he was pulling out all his electronic equipment and taking our web site (which he programs) off the internet. He would go on welfare and food stamps.

My husband suggested that we all give it some time before taking any action. Good advice, but I don't think there will be any change. I truly wish there was not going to be a tomorrow. I've never felt so bad.

I'm sorry this is such a downer post...I just desperately needed to share my sadness.  I don't need, or expect any replies or advice...I just hoped it would let you know why I'll not be in the mood to be on line right now. ~ Joyce

Hi Joyce,

I am also sorry for what happened. I hope that your son quits drinking. That is bad for him, and depressing. I hope that the company doesn't come apart with him taking his electronic stuff. I wish he could see what he is doing to the family and the company. I hope that things get better for you soon.

Many gentle hugs, Karen

Awe Grandma J,

I am sorry you have been going through this, it is awful when you have created a family business that your children will be able to carry on for you, and then to have fractures within the relationship, affects every aspect of your life, not just work, but family as well.

It sounds to me, that your son is in the wrong; the only real advice I can give you, is 1) Treat him as a professional like you would with any employee, and just at the moment, separate the fact that this is your child, at least when you are at work. Any employee has to have a professional conduct and that means coming to work on time, and sober, so once things have cooled off, you may have an opportunity to sit with him, and reason that he has not been the best employee lately; not measured by his productivity, but his attitude.
2) Only apologize for your reaction, and for words that came out which hold no truth. We have to live with ourselves, and as long as your conscious is clear that you have said sorry for your reaction, you can do little else to change him. I know these are really hard words to say when the other person is in the wrong, but you will gain peace of mind that you have humbled yourself, and if he holds onto things, that’s his choice, not yours.

My other thoughts though are; can the business still be a success if he does walk away? (That would be one of the choices he has) Can someone else do the job which he has been doing? And, really, can you hand the business over to him at the moment, and trust that he will honour and serve the current customers that you have built up over the years? It may not be the best time for you to do this, as he appears to be on a spiral at the moment.

Your Hubby had some great advice, but sometimes the gift of time, makes things harder to heal, so before things get any worse than they are I would be trying to find a working solution as soon as possible; not for him, but for you, I can see that this has devastated you, and you are right to feel that this is unjustified, so I am only concerned with yours and your Husbands sanity.

Please let us know what has happened after going into work today; please be gentle with you Grandma J

Hi Joyce,

Maybe he is embarrassed. And wants to forget about it. I just hope that it all works out for you all. Keep us posted as to how things are going. Maybe you can talk him into getting some help. I am happy for your big order. That is wonderful.

Keep posting. Have a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen