Living in complete isolation

I am new to this 'blog' sort of thing... I decided to join as I am really at the end of my tether. I moved hundreds of miles away from anyone that knew in order to be with the one love of my life. He is a wonderful man ~ but also sometimes extremely difficult. To cut a long story short due to us having a difficult period, he as moved away to the other side of the country for work, leaving me here alone in the middle of the nowhere. He rarely gets in touch with me and never answers my calls.

I can't sell my house now as the market is none existent and return to the UK. Even if it would sell I have now gotten myself so depressed that I really don't think that I could organise myself to move. Just going out of the house twice a month to go the supermarket is an appsolute ordeal for me and I hate it. I have to really push myself just to walk my dog just a few yards up the road twice a day. I hate it. I never used to be like this. I see nobody from one week to another, neither talk to anyone. I find myself just staying in bed an watching TV.

I feel as if everything has passed me by ~ and realise that depression has been creeping-up on me for a very long time. Everyone else seems to have family and friends around them but I have nothing and no one. I am the only child of an only child and we have no family at all.

If I died in this house it could well be months before anyone found me. The Isolation is unbelievable, also the selfishness of friends that live miles away from is quite shocking. Out of site really does mean out of mind. And I gave up working hard to keep in touch with them just because I have moved away, should it be just a one way street always?

I spend quite a bit of time crying each day - don't sleep well - am fearful and harbour thoughts of. I have been to the doctor and this kind individual basically made it clear to me that there were worse people off than myself and that he had other things to do. I suppose if I lived in a larger community there would a choice of another doctor.

Just to cap it all, yesterday I found that someone had vandalized my car!

It just does not get any better.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/7/2012 12:24:05 PM (GMT-6)

Thank you for your kind words Karen....

Thank you Alaskah, No I don't have a job - and I am sure that would help. I have in the past been on a few interviews but was basically told that I was too old. There really is nothing in this area at all, you would have to drive for over an hour and half before you would be anywhere near a big town, To be honest, I'm feeling so down anyway that to find the energy if the was work around to market myself out there would be impossible.

I spoke to my elderly parents today on the phone in the UK who are my only real family. It is amazing because no matter what I say, they just don't get how bad my situation is. Their attitude is "oh well, look on the bright side" I can't keep going on about my situation because they are old now and don't want to worry them. I can't really understand how anyone would think that it is ok and emotionally healthy for someone to live in such isolation not seeing other human beings from one week to another unless they were a self imposed recluse.

What is really stopping me from getting out of this hell apart from having no energy is that since moving here my financial situation has changed so much due to the crash of 2008 that I can't go sideways or forwards. I did not know that it was possible for someone to live on such a small amount of money!

My feeling is that everyone is so self absorbed by their own lives these days and hearing about someone that is not doing at all well is just boring for them. It's almost like how animals keep away from other sick animals so that they are not reminded of their own mortality.

I just certainly never imagined years ago that this would be how my life would end up.

People who have not been in your situation often do not know what to say when you try to open up to them, so saying things like, "look in the bright side" is their attempt to make you feel better. Unfortunately, these things often actually make us feel worse, as you know, but at least they're trying to give you some positive feelings.

Is there any place to volunteer, even just one day a week, so you can socialize a bit more? It's tough, but things can't get better if you don't try to find what you need for yourself. Just start very small and only do what you can handle.