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Still Tell her I love her?

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Posted 4/20/2012 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Will make this quick - girlfriend / soulmate / fiancé for the past year had broken the news to me about a month ago that she suffers from severe eating disorder and deep depression. From what she has been going through in her life, anyone would get derailed. She expressed that she needed space and how she needs to fight this on her own. The only thing she said that continued to stay the same was how this was only temporary, it takes time, but alluded that we will see each other eventually.

My question to anyone who has had this or been around this full circle - I am madly in love with her and she was until this took over, she did have this before, so it appears as though she knows what she is in for and what to expect. I have been hearing from doctors and specialists and people on forums that you must keep telling her you love her and support her, however, she is stubborn when it comes to that and refuses to really let me in unless she breaks down. But anytime I tell her I love her and support her, she says that stresses her out and can't hear that talk now. Do I keep telling her anyway? Giving her all the space she needs (she can't even see me or else she said she would have an emotional breakdown) all I have left is the power of email / text / phone. Guess I am just asking if I still need to support her, even though she says she does not want it, one doctor said if I do this, that support and love will ride with the disorder, but will eventually outrun it and when she gets better / stable again, my love will have been the one that outlasted the sickness....


Any advice would be forever grateful - am lost and don't want to lose this angel.
Posted 4/20/2012 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, give her space. And continue to live your life. You sound too attached to her. You got to have a life of your own. Not keep putting yourself on hold for somebody else. This doesn't mean give up on her. Be there if you can if she needs you. If after awhile you don't see a relationship anymore, then you may want to move on.

Hugs...
Posted 4/20/2012 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
I kinda differ on this one. I really think you should tell her you would like to see her and talk to her about what is going on, let you in because you care and want to support her. You want to know how her progress is going because you do care and love her, you can do this just don't overwhelm her at the same time. Good luck and god bless you for wanting to stand with her! And then if she shows no interest I would let her know you have to move on with your life so then you won't be in limbo.

Post Edited (Barbz) : 4/20/2012 2:17:03 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/20/2012 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
But if it is irritating her when he tells her he loves her, I don't think he should continue. I agree to get things out in the open, but I don't think she wants to see him. He has another thread, if you read it, you would understand. He really should have posted this on that thread for it to make more sense to the reader. But he didn't. I will find the title of the thread and you can read it. I can't believe I have e forgotten it. It is near the top.

Hugs...

Here is that thread...  https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=19&m=2398003

He really needs to get stronger on his own for himself.  I see emotional attachment here that isn't all that healthy.  Possibly some counseling to get himself stronger within himself. 

Posted 4/20/2012 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
I just wanted to tell you, you are not alone.  I'm dealing with something simular.  We have not split yet as we have children involved.  I'm having the hardest time not being able to say I love you and be affectionate.  We have always been such an affectionate couple and it breaks my heart.  I feel left out and I dont' know how to help him.   Its so heartbreaking to say I love you and not get one back, I've stopped saying it.  I don't have any real advice its just so nice to know I"m not the only one going through this.  Good luck I hope she is able to come back to you whole soon!
Posted 4/20/2012 10:53 PM (GMT 0)
Time, I hate hearing it but it's true, time. things may come together and they may not, harsh but true :-( I am at the other end of such a situation. Over a year I was in a relationship that to both of seemed to be a forever relationship, but as my depression worsened and so many questions where raised in my head it became unbearable, I just wanted to be with family. I ended it, I am ridden with guilt each day, and wonder was the love I felt for him real. If we where meant to be, with time, it will happen. It broke him to begin with, but now, he is more understanding and is taking my words and going out and moving on. I still have feelings for him, and always will . . but I knew for me, it was better this way.

Fingers crossed once she gets the help she need things will click back into place for you, and if not, be strong and don't give up on love, often our first love is not to be our last
Posted 4/21/2012 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
You can let her know that you support her without saying things that causes her stress.

Give it some time and then call her in several weeks or send her a card that simply says something like Hope you are doing well or something very tame and generic like that.

Beyond that I would not say anything about still loving her, talk about the future together with her, etc for the time being as all this will accomplish is push her away since this is a point of stress for her right now.
Posted 4/21/2012 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jon W.,

Whenever I push my boyfriend away because of my medical problems; in reality I am just pushing him to see how much he can take. You don't want to be with someone who will just flake out when the going gets rough. You should tell her that you love her; I think she would like to hear it.
One thing to keep in mind is that both you and her have to be strong on your own before you can be strong together. You should support her and be there for her (or tell her that you will) and however else you feel. I agree that you should not give up your own life, so keep living, but I wouldn't give up on her if you are not ready to yet.

That's this woman's thoughts!
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