Depressed but not depressed.

I haven't cleaned the house. I haven't folded the laundry or put in the second load I should have done days ago. I rest on the couch, checking my Facebook while drifting in and out of consciousness. I'm sick but the doctor I want to see isn't taking patients and I've finally got money to pay. There is no other doctor that I trust because each new one I see blames my problems on me. I got rid of my cats because they made me unhappy now I miss them. I want them back. Laxapro, among others, keeps me from going crazy once a month (PMDD and bipolar with psychotic features, I'm told) but I'm still depressed. I just had the dose brought up to 20MG and the only thing it's done is made me twitch more. That tick in my neck is back. My legs feel restless and jerk. But it's still better than the madness of being off an antidepressant. I'm depressed but find it hard to feel. I'm lonely but won't invite anyone over. I want to fix up the spare room for the roommate I'm trying to procure but I don't want to stand up. I should eat something. But my stomach hurts, partially from just lying here not eating all day. I need to feel fulfillment. That's it! A second job would make me happy but I fall asleep filling out the application. What's the point anyway? Too many people. Not enough work. I know what would make me feel better... but I just can't bring myself to leave this darn couch.