Hi Liz,
Welcome to the forum, you have friends now. A support group in your area is another good place to find more. So sorry to hear you have been struggling for so long here are some things that have helped me.
A good idea is to have the HELP line numbers handy, so you can call someone, a live person, when your bad thoughts get going.
While you are waiting for the clinic to schedule you, try looking up "mindfulness", depression and PTSD on the internet and educate yourself on what you can do for YOU! Meds only do about
50% of the
job, the rest is up to the person.