Bad Therapy Session

Hey Trina,

It sounds like you have misplaced guilt. When we get depressed, we can't see things objectively. We always take the blame for things. I hope that you can realize that whatever happened was not your fault. For whatever reason. But I just hope that you can forgive yourself for whatever you are blaming yourself for, even though it probably wasn't your fault at all. I was one for always laying a guilt trip on myself because my mother use to blame me for everything. It took years. But yes, mindfulness helps, and taking life one day at a time, and know we do the best that we can.

Who knows, this energy that you are going to channel could turn out to be a masterpiece. How did the flowers come out?

I got a pen and ink set at a garage sale. It has never been used. The tops are sealed with something like glass and there are many different colors (except my favorite, black). But the colors are all really light. I really don't know how to use it. I use to do stuff with india ink (black). I really liked it. I use a lot of black in my paintings. So it is hard for me to draw or paint with light colors. But it has been fun to play with. I also got some canvases there, and thinking about painting. My husband got the lady's paints too, but she did oils, and I do acrylics. Oh well... You never know I might try them. But there is so much clean up with oils. And I do a lot of fine detail that you can't do with oils. Anyhow, enough of me...

I hope that you have a good evening. Take care...

Hugs, Karen

Thanks for the support. Karen your art sounds wonderful! My flower turned out to be water color and not to bad, I did a second one on the same flower with rain, although the rain drops turned red once they hit the petals and went to the the ground. That is my anger.

Yesterday, my poem ended up being a short summary of my abuse in timeline format. I connected actions of my parents to poor choices I made as a young teenager. I thought seeing it in black and white would help the guilt. It did not directly. about 2 hours later, it was bugging me so I went back and saw a wider picture spread over years. I sat and did some mindfulness and meditated on my coping skills through out the years.

I find it amazing that I am here today. That my soul is as open as it is. That I chose not do to drugs, I remember the day and time that I did that. I have made some amazing accomplishments in my life; yes I have lost most now to the recall of memories, PTSD etc.. however I still did those things. I still have a husband that stands firmly beside me and is not abusive. We have been married 22 years.

Call it what ever makes you comfortable, God, Jesus the Universe; Good and Evil: I think I finally learned that the good can not rescue you 99% of the time it can only hold you up, help keep you strong if you are willing to believe. Evil is strong in our world, we have to constantly fight against it. Someone at Good Shepherd Lutheren Church helped me believe in something good when I was just a little kid and it helped me through some terrible times. I don't remember the person, I just pray God continued to bless that person for the rest of their life, because they made a big difference in mine.

I think this is a big step in my healing journey. I have a long way to go yet, I feel like I will fight from time to time know in stead of run away.

Thanks Karen