Feeling Isolated

dbab,

I am here for you. Eamil me whenever you like. I have a pocket email device so I get it right away. You are not alone. I know that when I feel the desperation of lonliness that is when I need to reach out the most. Not the easiest thing to do when I am feeling so low. I often just reach out like I did today just reaching and saying I need someone but am not ready or willing to share why. Reaching out here is a great first step and please know I am sincere when I say email me anytime.

Thanks for your caring thoughts, it always helps to know when you feel like this that someone cares enough to reply. It makes me feel better. I may take you up on your offer Randy.

I need to post more however this has always been a difficult forum for me. I have always had trouble with putting my thoughts and feelings into words and its even more difficult to reply to others' posts because of the same reason.

I have the same problem in my life. I have had many trust issues because of my childhood. My grandmother raised me and my uncle lived with us. I was molested by my uncle starting at age 4. When I finally told my grandmother I was about 20 years old, she told me that she didn't believe me. She told me that I was lying and that I am very sick in the head. I was told that often how crazy I was and how I was just like my mom (my mom is bipolar). I was fed this by her all of my life and I started believing it after years of hearing it. I have this sense of betrayal by my family. If my mother took care of me like she should have and didn't send me away to live with my grandmother, this would never happen to me. However she didn't want me so inevidably it is my fault. Now I have the same problem with my friends. I have friends but I don't have "close" friends mostly because I am so afraid to open up to them. Fear of betrayal and rejection is what is my biggest problem. I feel like I only have my husband and it scares me to death if I ever lost him whether he would fall out of love with me or whatever.

These are the feelings that I have been having lately and I guess is what is causing the feeling of isolation. I just don't feel like I have anyone and so afraid of losing the only person that I do have.

Thanks again... I think that I will take some time away from posting for awhile. Sometimes I feel really insecure here which I can't explain or even understand myself. The whole fear of rejection thing I guess, I don't really know. Randy and alwaysrosie, thanks for making me feel welcome. I hope I feel up to coming back to the forum sometime soon.

Thanks AlwaysRosie,   I am not going away from the forum forever.  I am in just one of those places where I am extremely sensitive right now.  It really sucks!  I just think too much into things about how people feel about me sometimes and sometimes I feel like I'm outside the crowd.  I know that no one here (I hope) feels that way about me but... oh well, Lets just say I'm having very insecure feelings and I don't want to open myself up to any rejection.  Rejection is my BIGGEST fear.  You had it right I guess in your first response, I am isolating myself (but only to protect myself). 

When you are ready, we are here.