sick, no support

I've been struggling with a mystery illness for over 10 years now. Getting closer to a diagnosis and am on meds, but still don't have a name for it. Saw a new rheumy on August 1 and am still awaiting blood results. With time, the joint pain, stiffness, fatigue, weakness, GI problems, etc have gotten worse and I've come to realize that I cannot keep living the way I am. We have a farm with nearly 60 animals, and I'm responsible for the herd health, feeding, nutrition, breeding, genetic selection, marketing, etc. And then there's the fiber mill, with equipment to operate, fiber to prepare and sort, etc. In order to make my life easier, I think we need to either sell most/all the animals, since they are the most physically demanding. I don't WANT to, but with my health and the way I get worse every year I NEED to. Either that, or board the herd somewhere. I can't do it anymore. My dad thinks he can take it on all himself (running everything on the farm, maintenance, building, animal care, marketing, etc and running the mill), and I think he's insane. We haven't been able to get any good farm help in the past 6 years, and doing what I do takes a good deal of scientific, veterinary & medical knowledge.

I tried to explain this to my dad, and he said I need to stop thinking about this and he'll do everything. Well, the two of us haven't been able to keep up, so how on earth is he going to do it all himself? He thinks I'm giving up and is not being supportive at all. He's not being practical or realistic. He told me once that if I ever said I wanted to sell all the animals, he'd support that. But it seems he lied. I want to sell some of these animals, and leave.

Hmmm... is it just the two of you at the farm. No other family? Maybe he is afraid of you leaving.

So sorry to hear of your physical troubles. Farm work does not sound compatible with your symptoms I must agree. However, working with animals is a good mental tool to stay active.

I pray you find a healthy balance.

Keep posting here, many people will give advice and perhaps one will actual have farm experience to help you along. There must be resources out there for situations of your type. Have you tried contacting 4H clubs or organizations that have horses for challanged children? They may take some of the herd.

Know that we all care and wish only the best for you.

It kind of does sound a little like rheumatoid arthritis. I hope not though that is also very painful. I am glad that you are going to a rheumy to get checked out. And I am also glad you are seeing a therapist. As you know, it does really help. I am not really good at social interactions a lot of the time, but with time, it gets easier. You learn not to care about what others think. But there was a time where it was very awkward for me. I didn't get my college degree because I coudln't handle speech class. Oh well... I hope that you get answers as to what is wrong.

In the meantime, keep posting, as it really does help to get things out.

Hugs, Karen