Wife left, so confused.

I'm so confused about what my wife is doing. On Saturday she's telling me she loves me, as usual. Then Sunday she comes home looking depressed and asks me to leave for a few days, give her space. She wasn't even crying or anything. I looked in to her eyes and she wasn't there, just blank. On Tuesday she has a friend break it off with me so Wednesday I go back to her and make her tell me herself. It was the hardest thing to do, but I had to hear it from her. She tells me she doesn't love me, or is attracted to me anymore. Also that she hasn't been happy for 4 of the 7 years we've been together. She still had that blank look. But she did say the option to get back together is still there if any feelings pop up. She wasn't even crying. Now, 4 days later she says she's sorry for what she had done and how much she hurt me plus looks happier, smiling and laughing a little, but still not quite behind those eyes. All this time I've been telling her I'm here to help if she wants, just ask. Also that I do love her very much. Then yesterday, out of habit, I go to kiss her (again, just got a head turn before) and it seemed like she had to stop herself from doing it. I'm so confused what's going on. I've even asked her if she knows what she's doing, or is just on auto pilot, she says she has no clue why she's doing what she's doing. I'm trying to give her space, but do talk (text) her every day because I want to see how she is, and when I can see my son.

So here's the back story to help understand, I think she crumbled under everything and had a breakdown.

We got together and started living together not long after that. We were living at my mothers at the time. We did that for 3 years. All that time we had time to ourselves as well as time as a couple. We then moved in to a apartment and she got pregnant, a huge life changer. This is when she says she started to be unhappy. So our son is born, 4 months later I started getting really sick. I have epilepsy and was causing really bad, really frequent seizures, 2 have even killed me. Thankfully she was there. Since this was so bad I couldn't work. For the 2 1/2 years this went on she was working and barely scraping by. I started getting better, but the last 8 months or so she has been working 7 days a week. It gave us NO time together as a couple, or time alone. I started going back to work 3 months ago but had to work nights when she was home to look after our son. It was part time so no sitter, couldn't afford it. That added to the no time issues. So she's over stressed from my seizures, a now 3 yr old, no money and worst of all no time to spend with each other or alone.

Welcome to the forum,

So sorry you are going through all this. Life can throw us some mean curve balls at times.

No way of knowing how it will turn out. Sounds like your wife has just had her fill and needs a break, therapy may help if she is willing. Working opposite shifts is hard but not impossible to handle as a family. My husband I did that very thing for 3 years. Sticky notes help with communication!

None of this is your fault, it is just life so remember that and concentrate on your health, so you can be there for your child, and possibly your wife if she lets you.

Keep posting here, we all care and will listen. You might even try looking at the epilespy forum for some support.

Stay strong!

Trina

getting by said...
Hi there,

And welcome to the forum. You are right to give her some space to think. I don't know if the two of you will get back together or not, but by not pushing her, you have a better chance. It does sound like everything has caught up to her and she needs a break. Maybe if you take the child for awhile it will give her a chance to recooperate. But with this situation, it is so hard to say what is going to happen. I hope thta things get better for you.

Take care...

Hugs, Karen

I'm not sure if you mean I am pushing her, or to keep up with not pushing her. Either way I'm not bringing it up, but I can't help telling her I still love her and still very much desire her.

Hi Growings!

I am sorry for what you are going through. This is a very challenging situation for you I am sure. Your wife seems to be having some sort of episode where she is alienating herself. This is common amongst those who have depression.

The best thing you can do, is give her space, but when she reaches out to you, be as caring as possible. If you push yourself on her she will only pull furthur away.

You said she came home and felt this way, maybe something happened at work? Sometimes a situation any which way can cause depression. I know there is a lot of stress happening, but she said to, there is hope, so chances are she will seek it out soon from you, just needs patience and space.

This could also be a way of someone seeking attention. Maybe she is tired and you may not spend as much time together. Sometimes people get to a point where they need change and to figure everything out, or just some time to breathe.

Feel better, and just stay strong! Take care.

Hi there~

I just caught your post and I'm so sorry to read that you're going through a rough time with your wife. It's evident how much you love her and want to make this marriage work, but I know that's hard if she isn't on the same page. And, I have to agree with the other poster that it sounds like some counseling may be in order here. It's really hard to say for sure what might be behind her behavior towards you. Of course, I know you said you didn't think she'd be willing to talk with anyone. So, maybe you should consider meeting with a therapist on your own and getting some input on how to respond to her? Perhaps down the line she'd be willing to go with you and get involved in some couples' counseling. Just a thought.

Lastly, I'm not sure if this would be helpful or not, but I recently heard a broadcast while at Focus on the Family called "Changing Your Marriage Through the Power of One." And, it talked about how to restore your marriage-even if your spouse wasn't on board. So, might be something to check out. I believe you can still listen to it online at their website.

Well, my prayers are with your, friend. I hope you and your wife are able to renew your relationship and find some support during this time.

Hi, I have problem. Married for 5 yrs. My wife not willing to stay with me and she at present not with me as I am not working since >1 year. Plz help to get her back. I am getting depressed for two things. One for not having job and second that wife not with me.

Post Edited (lazy123) : 6/23/2013 8:52:09 AM (GMT-6)