Health problems led to major depression...

I haven't been officially diagnosed with depression, just anxiety, but I really just need to talk to someone about what I'm going through. I'm not posting this to get pity or because I expect anyone to solve my problems, I just need to let it out.

I started getting sick in April and my life has been put on hold. It started with what I thought was a virus, and when I felt better after a week I thought "great, that's over. Now I can get on with my life." A couple weeks after that, I got sick again with nausea and vomiting for about two weeks. Finally at the end of May I started feeling better again and once again thought "that's over, now I can get on with my life." I was wrong again. Shortly after that I started waking up every morning feeling incredibly nauseous. I completely lost my appetite, I felt dizzy and lightheaded all the time, I got heart palpitations that made me think I was having a heart attack, and besides that I've been through more symptoms than I can even describe. I've been to the doctor many times and no one can figure it out. I went to the ER a couple times because I felt like I couldn't breathe/was going to faint and they basically scolded me, told me rudely to go to my family doctor, and gave me Xanax. Every doctor has thought anxiety is causing all my symptoms and it's not. I've been taking anxiety meds for a month now and I'm still feeling sick. Plus I've had anxiety since I was probably 13 and I know that's not what it is. Yes, the illness has worsened my anxiety but anxiety is not causing the whole thing. No one can figure out what's wrong with me. My doctor told me I've had pretty much every blood test there is. I had an abdominal ultrasound that revealed nothing. I thought I might be exposed to mold (the wall air conditioner at the apartment where I was living appears to be full of black mold and I slept right under it) so I moved back to my dad's but I still haven't gotten better.

What makes it really, really awful is that it's such a rollercoaster. All of my symptoms come and go, and some days I almost feel "normal" (although never as good as I did before this all started). I'm grateful to have good days but every time the symptoms come back, my mental state gets worse. When I'm feeling well I start to think "I've had more good days in a row than I have in a while, maybe I've finally beaten this!" only to feel awful the next day and feel crushed, disappointed, and defeated. My depression gets worse with every cycle of symptoms.

I just want to know if anyone has ever gone through anything like this before. My entire life has been taken away. I'm a 21-year-old college student and I can't have anything close to a life. I struggle to go to class twice a week (I actually had to miss both days this week) and I can't work or socialize. I've had to move out of my apartment where I lived with my boyfriend and back in with my dad because I'm scared of the possibility of mold, and also because here I have more access to doctors. Every time I mention that I'm not feeling well my dad says "That doesn't make sense! I thought you were feeling better!" and it makes me feel worse. He pretty much yelled at me for not going to class because he doesn't understand how awful I'm feeling. I always go stay with my mom for a few weeks every summer and I didn't get to do that this year. I haven't seen her, my sister, or my niece in six months and I'm afraid I'm going to miss Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. I have a dog that lives with my mom and I haven't seen him in six months either, and it breaks my heart. I can't spend time with my boyfriend, or even see him at all except for very short periods of time when I am feeling well enough to go to class. And forget about ever seeing any friends. All the important things in my life are gone.

I'm sorry if this just sounds like a whiny, selfish post. I'm just really distraught and hopeless and I don't know what to do. I'm just posting this because I hope someone out there will have gone through something similar and can help me cope with it. To anyone who reads this, I really appreciate it.

Lindsey,

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through this.

I do have a suggestion though. I spent 7 years trying to figure out severe head pain and nausea, finally was sent to a therapist by my neurologist and turned out I had repressed memories.

My pain is better, not all gone. However, I am dealing better with life and my mystery nausea is going away.

The body will manifest physical ailiments if we are suppressing emotional baggage.

I am not saying this IS you situation; just a possibility. It might be worth a few trips to a therapist to find out. Your school may have a Wellness Center where you can talk to someone.

It could be as simple as you falling off a swing when you were a kid.

I hope you feel better soon.

Stay strong.

Trina

Can you clean up the mold with bleach? I would do everything in my power to get away from it. It can be very toxic. And it could be something as simple as that to help you feel better... If it isn't the mold, it kind of sounds like ibs. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. But I could be missing something too.

I really hope that you feel better soon. Do you feel any better when you leave the house? Maybee that would help. Though when you are sick, it is only natural to want to stay in. Drink lots of water when you can, it cleans out toxins.

Hugs, Karen

Are you anywhere near a teaching hospital? I have heard that they are the best when it comes to mystery illnesses. I really hope you find out what is wrong. It isn't fair that you don't have the quality of life that you should have. I really hope you get better soon. Have you thought about food allergies? That might be something worth looking into. You would think a month away from the mold would be enough. But maybe not. You said you heard it can take a long time.

Keep hanging in there, between all of us on the forum, we should be able to figure something out that might help.

Hugs, Karen...

Hang in there Lindsay, an answer will come in its time. It is never fast enough for the one suffering though.

Karen's idea of a teaching hospital is an excellant one. You might even look into clinical trials or studies if you wanted to go that route.

I know you are doing the herbs for detox, are you also doing meditation or mindfulness to stay calm during the hard times? It does help, if you want to try it.

Hope you have better days soon.

Trina

Don't give up hope Lindsay. It just seems strange that when you got home, you lost your appetite and felt sick. Like it is still something within the home environment. Maybe you are super sensitive to something within the home. I really hope you find out what is going on. Don't give up though. Know we are here for you the best that we can be.

Hugs, Karen

I understand how you feel Lindsay. It is that way with my TN pain it comes and goes and I know it will come again. However, I have learned not to let it control my life.

I am not saying that you should just get used to your illness, but while you are trying to get answers, meditation and mindfulness could make it easier for you.

Karen did have a point, you started to feel worse coming back home and when you were home. Perhaps a list of things that you don't like or that upset you at the house would be a place to start. Even something that make you anxious.

That plus the mold toxins could be a double whammy. Just thinking outside the box.

We are here to listen and help find answers for you as we can. If you need to vent it is a wonderful place for that also. Life may not be fair all the time, but we still have to go on.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Trina

Just got back from an appointment. She's referring me to a gastroenterologist and I'm also getting a pelvic ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts and things of that nature. I got a blood test to check for gluten intolerance but she seriously doubts that's what it is. She also doesn't think it could be mold because I haven't had a whole lot of respiratory symptoms.
So I think I might be getting somewhere. I've had my gallbladder, liver, kidneys, and pancreas looked at so really all that's left is my stomach/bowels and reproductive organs. So I'm still feeling down because there's no solution but at least I have a little bit of hope.

Thanks. :) It's gonna be hard to wait because I won't even know when the appointment is until Monday, and who knows how long from now it'll be... Also realized they're not even going to schedule me for an ultrasound until I've been to the gastro, which is kind of disappointing. Gynecological problems are something I have a family history of so I don't know why no one's checked me for that sooner.

Do try to stay calm. Take it one moment at a time until you get your tests. I am hoping that they don't find anything wrong, but then you will still be wondering. If they do find anything, I hope it is minor and caught early whatever it may be... I really do understand how you are feeling. It took me a year to get a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. And they still don't know a lot about it. I think stress played a huge roll in it though so keep your stress down to a minimum. I sure do hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

Starting to worry that I didn't get the right referrals. Yeah, I've had stomach problems but I've had other problems too. I had the worst headache yesterday; every time I get a headache they're on the right side of my head and it feels sinus related because they go around my eye and sort of into my nose. I slept horribly, almost like I had a cold or something. Plus I'm still getting short of breath at times and dizzy/lightheaded. I think I made the mistake of acting like it was just a stomach problem to my doctor.

Thanks. I was thinking if I AM sick from mold it could be detox symptoms, since I added chlorophyll and grapefruit seed extract to my routine yesterday, which are supposed to be pretty powerful anti-fungals. My doctor swears it's not mold but I don't think doctors are very educated about that or most other environmental health issues. I don't think it would be migraines because I probably only get headaches like twice a month.
I just hope I get better. I'm so tired of this! My goal is to get well by Thanksgiving so I can spend time with my family.

You need to get yourself to a counselor even if you feel sick. They are good at figuring things out and giving us some direction. Do keep your mind busy. And practice mindfulness. It is the best way to get in tune with yourself.