Don't know what to do

I had my first baby about two months ago, and have been on maternity leave the last ten weeks. The past six weeks I have been going in part time and just feel so overwhelmed. I was promoted at work when I was about three to four months pregnant, and thought that I could handle the promotion and new responsibilities. I didn’t want to turn the position down as I would need the extra money to pay for our new addition to the family. Now, I feel like taking this promotion has been one of the worst decisions of my life.

I do feel absolutely grateful that my abilities as a worker have been recognized and thus being promoted, but I feel so guilty for not being able to handle the new responsibilities. I felt like I was failing at my job before I had my baby, and now that I’m back (even though it’s part-time) I feel like I’m failing even more. I know I should be happy that I have a job, but I feel like I’ve been thrown into a whirlwind and I don’t know how to handle it.

All-in-all, the responsibilities that I have taken on with this promotion are tremendous and horrendous. The people I have to interact with on a day-to-day basis are too rude and impatient. I know all jobs have their ups and downs, but now I feel like all I have are downs, and I don’t know how to get back up. Since I have been off and spending time with my baby, I keep thinking to myself that I wish I could just spend my time with my baby and not worry about doing any sort of work for a very long time. And to me, I feel guilty for feeling that way because I know there are a lot of people out there that wish they have jobs and don’t, and here I have one and almost wish I didn’t.

I just don’t know what to do anymore since I feel so depressed with my job right now. I have been crying myself to sleep a lot these days, and sometimes wish I could either disappear or just throw myself off of a bridge. I wish I could go back to what I had…

I would also like to add that you are most likely not running on a full tank of gas, so to speak.

Being a new Mom is a huge change, and sleep deprevation is usually in the mix somewhere with middle of the night feedings.

I would not beat yourself up so much. Considering asking to go back to your old job is a good one, if you can do it.
If not, try hard to take one day at a time, one hour if needed to get through.

Life has its pot holes, but we still get by them!

Stay strong! We are here to listen and support you.

You need to not forecast the future. I realize it is hard not to worry, especially with a new baby. However, you are only waisting a lot of good energy on things you have no control over at the moment.

If you want to be proactive, use the energy to put your resume together, make a list of jobs you would apply for if they do let you go etc. Make a positive plan.

Then if good things happen, you are in the clear and you can file all that away for another time.

Stay strong.

Trina