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Depression? or not - 30 years old plz help

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Depression
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Posted 10/5/2012 6:27 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there. well... hard to explain, i think ive been depressed for years, i cant seem to hold a job (even ones where ive made stupid money like 10k a month, i might last a year...maybe, but i always end up quitting because im not happy, cant recall the last time i was actually happy).

I cant hold a girlfriend because im so messed up...I just cant seem to "care" if that makes any sence, my ex gf's said i never showed i cared or even tryed. I broke up with them or they with me, it makes no difference because of this. One friend said im probably a sociopath because i have no feelings, i do tho...and i did care, i really did! i tryed to atleast. It's like, they're really pretty and good girls, marriage material in the end, but i just end up getting bored which seems is so wrong and not fair...its not that their boring, its that im boring, i just wanna be alone always inside it seems. When im alone im lonely and want someone there, but when someone is there i just want to be alone -catch 22. I dunno what to say. Theres something wrong with me, i figure depression right?...im a mess... im 30 years old, cant hold a job, a girlfriend, and i just wanna be alone apparently, alone, then once alone i want to be with someone *sigh*. Whats wrong with me... : /   ...does anyone have any insight to this? is this even remotely normal? probably not. Ive givin up.......maybe im doomed to a half and half life of torment.

Posted 10/5/2012 9:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hi T1982,

I think that the best thing that you could do right now is start counseling. They can help you figure out your personality. That seems to be where your issues lie. I would talk to one and see where to go from there. I don't know if you are a sociopath. I think you wouldn't admit it if you were.

I hope that you do feel better soon. Keep posting and know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/5/2012 1:34 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Karen, therapy or counseling is the best path for you. I would start with your doctor if you do not have any other leads for therapy.

There are so many personality disorders out there that show similar symptoms, that without professional help, I doubt you would be able to overcome this or figure out what is wrong.

Stay strong and proactive in your daily struggle, keep posting and we do care and will listen.

Trina
Posted 10/7/2012 4:55 AM (GMT 0)
ok thanks, ya i guess more counceling could be good....ive tryed it before but it didnt really give me any solid conclusion at all. I dont do drugs, smoke, but drink occasionally and i try to be a good person, i even pick up spiders crawling across my carpet or wherever bugs around and put them outside even tho spiders and bugs freak me out so much! it freaks me out just to handle them, but i still pick them up and help them to go outside. I figure its better than killing it. After 4 years in the military i refuse to kill anything even a simple insect. I have no religeon, im not christian or anything....dunno where im going with this, anyways, ya counseling hasent worked for me :( even they dont know whats wrong, atleast this 1 guy ive been to cant seem to figure it out. Well thanks for the feddback and your input. Im a lost cause i think, thanks for the reply..see ya
Posted 10/7/2012 9:44 AM (GMT 0)
YOU ARE NOT A LOST CAUSE, OK.

I USE TO THINK THAT.

WITH MUCH HEALING COMPASSION,

JAMIE. PS CAPS DUE 2 VISION LOSS.
Posted 10/7/2012 11:01 AM (GMT 0)
You are not a lost cause, don't even think that. You are a kind and compassionate person.

Keep the counseling, it takes a little time to figure out what is going on.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/7/2012 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
T,
You must give yourself a break!

Your are practicing compassion and mindfulness when you save the lives of the spiders and insects. Many of us do this. I did during group therapy! People laughed at me, I was offended but in the end I did what I knew was right. It is nothing to be worried about it. It is to be celebrated!

You obviously have a higher power you believe in, somewhere in your soul. You believe in life before death. This is very powerful, that ontop of compassion is huge to help you through the healing journey.

Stay with the therapy, you need patience and you need to be proactive with your therapist. Check out Mindful.org for suggestions. If your therapist is not openminded. Try to find another.

You can do this one hour, one day at a time. Stay strong and keep posting here. We listen and care so much.

Trina
Posted 10/8/2012 5:59 AM (GMT 0)
I really feel that you guys care, thanks so much. I didnt really think i was going to get anything from this on my first post. BnotAfraid...your words mean alot to me. I do believe the lets say "universe" favors life before nothingness, i do believe that, otherwise why would we exist. I cant say i believe in a higher being, atleast not one that looks over "us" or to look up to, or any type of heaven, i thinks its all up to us. Anyways i dont want to do a religeous debate, i dont believe in any earth religeons so...ya.

I guess i could go look for another therapist, but to be honest i probably wont.... I know im not crazy, but i certainly feel like it, maybe its just my personality? maybe my personality disorder just doesnt mesh with society? thats possible right. hmm, i wonder.
Posted 10/8/2012 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
T,

Personality disorders are "illness's" just like highblood pressure or kidney disease, anything else that would be chronic, long lasting.

Mental health needs to be respected and treated like any other illness by the patient and the doctor for it to be controlled and possibly put into remission. a person does not cause a personality disorder or force themselves into a depression.

Therapy is something that can last a lifetime if taken seriously. It will take some months to a year to work however it can change all the negatives into positives.
It can teach a person to be proactive for themselves. If you had an infection you would take an antibotic wouldn't you?

So why not therapy and medications? Just think about it.

Stay strong while you are thinking.

Trina
Posted 10/10/2012 6:41 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Trina, therapy ya..maybe, i guess i could try that again, medications no...I refuse to take any type of human made meds or "drugs" so to speak. Combat drug was enough for me to know the govt. shouldnt be messing with chemestry. Its all human made and who can say if its bad or good for you. Anyways, i hear you, and thanks for your input, i get it. More therapy huh...ya, well, something is better than nothing i guess. Suppose ill try more therapy then : /
Posted 10/10/2012 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
You don't sound too enthused about the therapy. But we need to be proactive with our mental health. So you need to do something to get better. You may need medications if it is a chemical embalance, but if you don't want to take them, that is up to you. But if that is the only way to be getting better, it could be a bad thing to not try. I hope you do check out the therapy. It really can help.

Check out

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

It could help if you can't get to therapy.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/10/2012 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
T,

Don't forget about the mindfulness. And since you are soooo set against medications. Look into the readings (books) by Thich Nhat Nhan.

Continue to stay strong.

Trina
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