Im1976

I should probably say what is going on. I have been working on my bipolar I and personality disorders since I've been hospitalized since 2004. This is my third marriage and all I've ever wanted was to come first in a relationship. I have been through a crappy upbringing that includes emotional and sexual abuse. This is my third marriage. My current husband is a short time pill abuser. He has one son from a previous marriage. He puts his son first in which I don't have a problem with but it comes up to my expense. He stays with his 14 year old son from the time from the time he gets up until he comes home to go to bed. He told me that I am not allowed around his son because he doesn't want him to get attached and something happen to him. I have talked to a very good male friend of mine and have spoken to him inappropriately in which my husband has found out. Of course this only makes him distance even more from me but he has not been there for me. Especially since I have a fear of being neglected. He says he lives me but doesn't want me anywhere near his son. This means I cannot go to football games or to the nearby horse barn as long as his son is there. I love him and just want his to spend some quality time with me but he constantly says that his son will come first. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is that he spends most of his time at his ex wife's house which is three houses up the street. He promised me that we would start our own family but now he says absolutely not now, which is what my ex said also. He changed after we got married. I know that the fact that I was still talking to my best friend in which I had an affair with has changed our relationship. He has been very guarded and very emotionally and verbally abusive with me since then. I drive three hours everyday and make every effort to prove to him that I am worthy of his love he continues to bring things up. I just want him to realize that I do love him but I need him emotionally. What do I do?

Soumds like it is time to work on some things. Do you go to any counseling? Such as dbt or cbt?

I can understand where your husband may have trust issues, but I don't think it is fair not to let you be part of his son's life, after all, you are his stepmother. You can't live in a relationship where you aren't trusted and be comfortable. That has to be difficult. But you need to work on you to feel better. To be able to do things with or without your husband always being involved. Find some things that you love to do and do them. For you. You deserve to be happy in your life. You deserve to be loved too. In my opinion, you should have a different person to live with. Somebody who will treat you well and make you feel loved. But that is just my opinion. There will be others posting and telling you what they feel, most likely tomorrow. It is getting late here now.

If it is children that you want, it sounds like you need to meet somebody with the same interests. But sweetie, you want to be there for those kids. You need to change your way of thinking and you can do that with counseling or books about it. Books have really been a huge help to me when I was very depressed. They can help you too.

Learn meditation, mindfulness and living in the present. It really helps. Focus on the now...

Take care and have a good night.

Hugs, Karen