Hi I've not posted on here for about
6 months, I was prescribed Citalopram and propranalol for
anxiety and depression. I also had about
16 sessions of therapy, and I began to feel a little better this summer, and decided I didn't need my medication. My original doctor has left and I'm reluctant to go and see a new one as to be honest I feel a bit ashamed of not being able to hold it all together.
I have realised today that it's now two years that I've not been well, I feel so miserable and because I run my own business I have to keep a lid on everything. This is very tough when inside you are so low, I feel that it wouldn't take much for me to completely break down, I bury these feelings by staying busy. I thought I was getting better but all this came back to bite me, I have so much to be grateful for in my life, but I find it very difficult to look forward to anything, and although I wouldn't do anything to harm myself, most nights I pray not to wake up the next day, just to escape. This isn't a "normal" state for anyone I know that. (...Not sure why I'm posting.)
My situation is made worse by the fact that my wife is also very depressed and has been so for about
5 years now, she has made several visits to the doctor and has been prescribed medication but she ends up not taking it. She is very dependent on me to be the strong one, she does know I've been a bit low but she has no idea about
my medication, or the
counselling, that would send her into flat out panic mode, and I just couldn't cope with the extra stress that would bring. I'm ashamed to say that I don't have much patience with her any more, and although I know this must sound bad and very selfish, I think it's a kind of self preservation, I feel so close to the edge of the cliff that I just can't take onboard any more - not even from my wife.
I just see my life as an existence stretching out before me dominated by work, and trying to bury this war that's going off inside me every day. I suppose I have to go to see a doctor again does this mean that I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life. I thought I was starting to get better, then it's back again every day a feeling of dread and panic as soon as I
open my eyes. What can I do to get better?
Joe
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/29/2012 7:28:33 AM (GMT-6)