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self destructing behavior

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Posted 11/13/2012 11:34 AM (GMT 0)
Not sure if this is the right forum but I figured that anxiety is not the right one so I went to depression.

I'm diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, a chronic condition of the bowels. Ever since I was diagnosed I've been on medicine.

Right now I'm going through a bad part of my life. My husband and me almost seperated but reconciled. Now we are in the process of evicting my MIL. She went crazy over it and cursed me and the house. She also threatend death to me and destroyed my medicine. I have nightmares almost every night of her.

Why I chose this title was because of the drama with my MIL I stopped my medicine as some sort of punishment for myself. I'm getting sicker and sicker. I don't know how to get out of that vicious cycle of self destruction. I don't want to die.

Advise or comforting words would be appreciated. Also I will look into counseling as soon as I have health insurance.
Posted 11/13/2012 12:10 PM (GMT 0)
AM VISION IMPAIRED-HENCE THE CAPS.

AM SENDING YOU HEALINGS, KEEP STRONG.
I AM IN THERAPY, BEST MOVE I HAVE MADE.
KNOW THAT WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

WITH HEALING COMPASSION,

JAMIE
Posted 11/13/2012 12:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Andrina,

Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry about your diagnosis of UC... It must be hard for you at this time. But once you get it under control, you will feel a lot better. Do take your medications, there is no need to suffer needlessly. You know it will help you to avoid flare ups. So take it as prescribed.

I hope that you feel better soon. Keep posting, as it does help. I am sure you get some help on the uc forum too. I understand it is a good forum, so keep posting there if you aren't already.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. I am glad that your mil is gone. You don't need that added stress on you right now. Take it one day at a time. One moment if need be. It isn't easy, but can be done.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/13/2012 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
MIL is not gone yet. That's probably why I still have nightmares of her. She says she doesn't have money to move out but I think that's just an excuse.

Also my condition was never under control. I was diagnosed 10 years ago and ever since I'm suffering.

What's a good reason to continue with meds? What's a good reason not to punish myself?
Posted 11/13/2012 1:34 PM (GMT 0)
Do the meds not help you? If not talk to your doc about getting something that does. You don't need to suffer anymore.

I have not had uc, but I understand it is rather painful. I hope you aren't in pain. Do you take meds for the uc, or for depression? If the depression meds aren't helping you, do see your doctor and let them know. There are so many different ones to try. I don't want to see you suffer.

Do keep posting, it does help. I am sorry about mil. I hope she leaves soon. You need a break from her.

Why would you want to punish yourself if you have done nothing wrong? You have to remember, that you are a good person and you deserve to be happy... We all do...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/13/2012 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
It was kind of you to let your mil move in but she has now worn out her welcome. That is not your fault. Everyday just keep telling yourself that it's not your fault. Try to be positive about yourself, even of its little thing. When you like yourself, you take care of yourself.
Just remember we have all been there. Have you been around others who refused to medicate? It's sad because they are suffering when it's not necessary. This is a great place to come because we've all been there and we know coping strategies that may work for you. Good luck and you can do this.
Posted 11/13/2012 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
Your MIL is being abusive which is agrraviting your condition and she knows this. So take your medicine for YOU.

Her words can not physically harm you, the curses mean nothing they are only words. She is ranting because she is allowed to.

Try hard to not show any response to her rants and see what happens. Without an audience, she may just calm down. That is what most "bullies" do.

You have to take care of yourself, because no one else will! Be proactive so you can stay strong. Life is too precious to give it away to a bully!

wishing you peace
Trina
Posted 11/13/2012 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Andrina,

I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. My suggestion for the MIL is to give her a date that she has to move out. Then stick to it. If you don't put your foot down she's not going to leave.

I had a nightmare MIL myself so I know how you feel. However, you should take your meds. You are not hurting her by not taking them you are just hurting yourself. Hurting yourself just makes her happy so don't give her the satisfaction.

I know how rough dealing with a monster in law can be. What worked for me was utterly ignoring her, but I know that's going to be harder for you as you live with her. When she starts ranting, walk away.

You need to see a doctor, there are clinics pretty much everywhere that let you pay depending upon your income. Maybe you could look into that for your area? Then you could get your meds straight and possibly get therapy also.

I hope things look up for you soon :)
Posted 11/13/2012 11:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your kind words.

MIL will be leaving Saturday but I'm still scared to take my meds.
Posted 11/14/2012 12:59 AM (GMT 0)
I think once your mil leaves you will feel more comfortable with taking your meds. What is it that causes you not to take them? Are they for the uc, or for depression?

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/14/2012 11:56 AM (GMT 0)
The meds were for UC and the reason why I don't take them is I want to punish myself. She threw my meds away (along other belongings which I don't care about) so she clearly wants me to suffer/die. In my bad thinking I'm like: Why not do her the favor. Gosh that's so sick.

I took my meds yesterday and today but I'm still depressed since she's still around. Thanks all for your kind words, it really helped.
Posted 11/14/2012 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
Continue to take your meds as prescribed. Don't punish yourself because of her. It isn't worth it. And somebody needs to be kind to you, so it may as well be yourself. I am so glad she is leaving. You will be much happier.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/14/2012 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
I know I will. She was in my marriage and life for too long.
Posted 11/18/2012 3:27 PM (GMT 0)
Quick update for everyone who's interested:

MIL left 3 days ago.

I'm so relieved!

I still want to look into therapy next year though.

Thanks everyone for your warm and kind words! It's highly appreciated!
Posted 11/18/2012 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
Congratulations!

While you are waiting for therapy, be kind to yourself, do things that make you happy and distract.

Painting, walking, reading, meditation, mindfulness, anything else you like.

So happy for you, continue to post we are here to support and listen.

Stay strong
Trina
Posted 11/18/2012 3:45 PM (GMT 0)
We are so happy for you. Now you can have your own life.

Hugs, Karen
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