I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE

Please forgive spelling or type-o's  

I do. I really feel like a failure as a mother and as a wife. I have been depressed for a few days. I am dependent upon my husband for everything even though he doesn't complain and as for a mother, after 3 months, my daughter of 32 yrs old is still not speaking to me cause she got her knickers in a wad and didn't, as my husband says, "MIND HER OWN BUSINESS"! HE TELLS ME THAT, HE TELLS EVERYONE THAT. iF IT AIN'T YOUR CONCERN, BUTT OUT.

Problem, he's right. She stuck her nose into her sisters and my tiff and now I am speaking to her sister and not her. I miss my 3 grandchildren talking to them on the phone, I even miss her. She has issues and I fear she will go into a tailspin. My 8 yr old grandson has ADD, ADHD, Developementally delayed, Autism and God knows what else. He is always in trouble and always getting yelled at. Two trips to Fl ago, she called me and I heard him screaming in the background. He was chasing her with a knife telling her he hated her. It took me 5 minutes to get there and when I did I was able to calm him down. He is very violent. I worry about my other grandchildren, Katie is almost 4 and Connor just turned 1. I asked her why she had the knives out where Jordan could get them. She has to lock the fridge, all the cabinets, doors to the outside and garage with locks up high and I am scared to death for all of them. It's not his fault but I really believe that if she spent more time with him, he could be a bit more productive. He really listens to me, even on the phone. I have a hard time understanding him and I tell him to slow down or I can't talk to him. He listens and when he starts up fast again, I tell him the same thing. I have figured out that no matter how old your kids are, you still love them, care for them, worry about them and feel some sense of responsibility for them.

She had a very bad relationship with a navy guy before she went into the Army. She was with him for a long time, about 2-3 years. When he wasn't in the gulf war, he was really abusive to her. 

 

 She was scared to death and never told me until I found out and called his CO and got him tossed in the brigg. I didn't care either. We protect our kids however we have to and now she hates me. She told my other daughter that she ain't sending me any more pictures of the kids. My other daughter told me she would be sure she sent them to me. I feel like I have failed her. I pray for the Lord to take this problem and fix it, and I am waiting but I can't take it back. When I give Him a problem I try hard not to take it back. Please pray for her and me. Thanks for listening. As always, I love you all!

"Lefty"  

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 5/28/2005 12:10:11 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Lefty! 

 

It sure sounds like a lot going on for you right now.  We can't always help our children the way that we'd like to, can we?  It's very frustrating at times. 

 

Perhaps a little space and time will offer some healing for both of you, it sounds like your daughter is going through her own share of troubles right now.

 

You are a lucky woman, Lefty!  You have a husband who loves you and cares about you.  That's something beautiful.  You have 2 daughters that love you and for right now one just seems to need her space to work out some things of her own. 

 

I hope that everything works out okay with all of you-just give yourself some room to appreciate life and with time you may find a way to bridge that gap between your daughter and you before it gets too big.  In the meantime, just know that you have others here that do care and will listen anytime you need to share or vent.  You take care of yourself, Lefty, and I hope we meet again.

 

Teri

Lefty,

I am very sorry that you are going through so much trouble with your daughter. I believe that Teri may be right in suggesting to allow her the space. Sometimes we are so quick to dismiss anyone's help as we feel it is a sign that we are viewed as a failure ourselves and that we can't take care of things. I'm not saying that that is correct but it is just human nature. Your daughter may be feeling like a failure too because it took you, her mom, to get her out of her bad situation that she couldn't handle alone. There may be a lot of resentment there because of it and the best thing to do would be just to let those feelings pass for her and give her some time. It sounds like you are a very close family and I have faith that it will come around like that again.

God Bless! :)

 Thank you all for your encouragement. It helps more than you know. There have been times I have taken the blame for the way my grandson is. My husband gets angry with me when i do that. He says it's not my fault. It is so hard for me to sit there and watch him and how he is so disconnected from others. He is a loner and doesn't get along with other kids. My daughter told me, when we were speaking, that the kids at school (he goes to special school) they run from him when all he wants to do is play with them. I cried at that thought. I feel so helpless except to pray and that's to the "big Guy". He is the only one who can help now. Thanks again and hugs.

 

"Lefty"