Looking for advice

Hi Paul, welcome to the forum. the intimacy will change for a while. Hold hands, sit close on the sofa. Say I love you more often and sincerly. Do random acts of kindness for each other.

Depression is a terrible to go through. Rough that you are both dealing with.

Honesty with each other is going to be your best friend.

such as. No, I can watch that program now. or No I can have spagetti for dinner it is triggering me.

Paul there is not quick fix, however sounds like the bother of you are very comitted and doing the most you can each other.

I wish you and your wife, strength and peace.

Keep posting here Paul, we are a wonderful outlet and we support and listen.

Stay strong.
Trina

Thank you. It is tough and going to get tougher. I do understand that. We both drank very heavily to hide our emotions. She tried to take her life about a month and a half ago. I was too drunk and too selfish to see she had taken abunch of pills. She told me to leave and I did. Only to find out that she was taken to a hospital. I thought things were going ok.( as good as I thought considering.) We have been holding hands and doing things together. Then Saturday her daughter came over to hang out for a coulple hrs and when she left my wife was completley closed off more then normal.( She won't ever talk/tell me whats wrong when i ask.). I figured she was upset about her kids. We went xmas shopping yesterday and everytime I tried to hold her hand she put hers in her pockets.I asked her last night if I did something to upset her and she no why. I explained my feelings and she had no comment just that I didnt do anything. I sent her a text this morning and she said she was going out of town for awhile because she was feeling bad and wanted to see if it was her or us.that she felt trapped and didnt want to be with anyone who needs something from her. And that I wasn't there when she needed me the most.

I think about that day constantly and wish I couldve had the sense to see her crys for help( or my own for that matter). She has never told me about this until she texed me she was leaving for a while. I am soo confused and worried for her. I have no clue what to do or what to say bc she said she doesn't want to be bothered. Hell I don't even know where she went. We have been sober/dry for 40 days. I know it may not seem like alot but for me it's huge! I don't want to lose my wife. She saved my life through her suffering. And for that I will be forever grateful. I just don't know what to say,do,think. I put the blame on what happened that day on myself. She blames me too and I never knew it.

Sorry for the rambling. I don't really have a good support system and need an outlet.

Paul

Thanks Karen.

I had a hard time sleeping last night. Not knowing where she is is stressful. Whats the best way to keep my thoughts from racing? Trying to throw myself into my work but Im in retail sales and it is kinda slow.

Thank you Trina. I will look in to it. I feel like this is some sort of test that I will lose anyway I go. She said that I didn't care what she was going through and wanted to be left alone. She also said I wasn't there when she needed me during her attempt. So if I call/text I think she might feel smothered because she asked to be left alone. But if I don't make an effort she might feel justified in thinking I don't care. Very confused.

Paul

Thanks Karen. I have been trying to leave her alone so she can think. I did get a call saying that I can get into talk to a therapist tomorrow.:) I know she went to her session yesterday so that is a plus. I am still worried about her. She said she was staying at her moms. She said that she didnt know why I needed to know where she was. I don't know why she wouldn't tell me. Oh well, I guess she is safe and hopefully getting better. I miss her and it sucks that she won't let my in or even talkk to me.

Paul

That is exactly it Trina. How do you deal with the darned it you do darned if you don't? I amreally looking forward to going to my session tomorrow! I hope stuff starts to make more sense to me. I sent her a text saying good night last night she didn't respond. I'm just not sure how much it too much/little as far as trying to communicate with her.

Paul

Thanks Karen. I have had a pretty ok day you? The sun is out here in KS but kinda chilly. I do need to focus on me. I am the only one working right now and I have to sell cars to get a paycheck. So that is also stressful. But you guys are right, I need to help Paul. If I can't take care of myself and work on being more intune with myself I can't help my wife. I used to think I was fairly intune with myself. LOL being the only male in an all female house growing up. But the last 6 yrs I have lost myself due to drinking and hiding things because I don't want to feel them. I have alot of baggage and I need to figure that out as painful as it's going to be.

Trying to be the man I need to be.

Paul

Thanks for the kind words Karen. It may take some time but I will. Gonna take it day by day.

Thanks, Ill be sure to update tomorrow.

Paul

Hey guys. Sorry it took so long to get back. My session yesterday went ok. I really just vented about my current situation. I feel a little better. The dr said the it was impairitive that I tell my wife how I am feeling. So I did.

I went home after my session and Wasn't there for ten minutes and she came walking down the stairs. I asked her if we could talk and she said we could. So we talked for 45 minutes! She explained that she felt nothing for anyone except guilt for not being able to feel anything. She said she loves her kids more than me and she couldn't explain why she doesn't feel anything. She said she didn;t tell me where she went because there was nothing I could do to help her. I said I was proud of her for realizing she needed to take some time for herself because she always put everyone else first. I also said I wasn't there to fix her problems but I was there to make sure she didn't have to go through it all alone. She seemed pleased and relieved to hear that. She went to visiit her dad and texted me to let me know she made it there safely. She said I could text her when I got off and we could talk. I did but I was in bed before she got back to me. But I know she is safe and she is getting back to herself. She grew up in the country and loves the woods. Her dad lives in the country and there are plenty of wooded areas for her to re-explore.Before she left, she gave me a big hug and a kiss and said she loves me and she is sorry for putting us through everything. So we will see how everything goes from here, but it seems to be starting ok.

Starting from square one will be tough but I think we will make it.

Positively thinking and taking it day by day,

Paul

Things sound good Paul. Take it one day at a time. I think things are going to be okay...

Hugs, Karen

Sounds like a good plan for the weekend Paul. I hope that it goes well for all of you. Prescious moments, right? I love their ages. My granddaughter is 7.

Take care...

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen

PS Day by day is the way to go...

Paul,

Hi , so glad your wive is coming home.

Just breathe Paul, slow breath in, slow breath out, 3 in a row. RELAX.

Give her a hug when she comes back, observe her body language and see how it goes.

You can even ask her if you can kiss her. Respecting her personal space is important, but letting her know how you feel in a calm manner is very exceptable also. Communication is important, just don't overwhelm her.

I get the "kid with a new puppy" feeling, but just turn it down some.

I pray it goes well for you and the family.

Stay strong.
Trina