Posted 12/9/2012 7:43 AM (GMT 0)
I am glad to have found this place. A little about who I am. I am a recovering alcoholic and I have over 2 years of sobriety. My wife is in recovery with me with the same date. However, her recovery and mine are completely different. She has grown happy and things for me seem better, but I still feel stuck in a disease. I think my biggest addiction is to depression. Like all addictions, the "insanity" part of it is that its so painful and we want to stop but at the same time cant imagine life without it. I go to my AA meetings, have a sponsor, and I try to do the right thing.
Right now however I have been cursed with an old saying I have used for years, "Thats what I get". Right now I feel so challenged and trapped way beyond control. I feel like running away from my job and family. I love my family so much and so deeply. My job has really added a lot of stress on me and I feel like know one understands and I cant share how I am feeling until its too late like now. I am so broken, I want to crack, and sometimes I wonder if I should be locked up and maybe that we bring me peace. Right now I have none. I feel like I cant do anything right and I am afraid to be happy because that will be taken away from and that will always happen. My self worth is pretty much gone and nothing seems to be getting better. I feel like I have reached my boiling point. I really needed to talk, but know one is around.
Sorry if I am jumping all over the place but it has been difficult making a clear thought. I dont know what else to say or do. I cant seem to find anything to help me thru this.