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Posted 12/16/2012 4:35 AM (GMT 0)
I take my antidepressants and u got to counseling weekly. My mom has made it clear I'm her least favorite child, even left me out of thanksgiving. My dad got remarried and I'm glad to see him happy. My grandmother list my grandfather, which I'm still hurting from, so I call her daily to check on her. My sister and I aren't close but I adore my niece and nephews. I have kids that I'd do anything for. I love my husband. The problem seems to be that I am a people pleaser (which I'm advised is common in abused children) so I constantly work to make them all happy.
My husband has moods. Horrible moods that are cause by untreated depression. I hate that I'm useless to help him. Today he told me wanted a divorce. I crumbled to pieces. The only stability ever in my life has been him, even with his moods. I just don't know how to keeping going. Later after I cried myself out and made threats I'm disappointed in myself in for making he came in and cuddled me. I don't want him to not get a divorce if he's miserable but I worry that he's making this decision in a mood. I don't know what to do. Any help would be great.
Posted 12/16/2012 5:02 AM (GMT 0)
I guess its so hard because my mom was married 6 times. All my life she has put men before me. It was a horrible childhood. One parent physically abused my while the other preferred some random man to me.
Moms cycle runs that she is so in live until she realizes that this gut,like the others, is an abuser, won't work or some other loser, then she wants to focus on her family again. At a young age I decided I'd never do that to my kids. Getting another divorce makes me feel like I'm following on her footsteps. Not to
Mention my dad is a preacher and it will be a huge deal. My husband says that it just isn't working for him. That he doesn't know how to be a step parent and that i lie to him ( I've kept stuff my ex has done/said a secret because I have PTSD and can't handle anger or confrontation) I never meant it as a lie but I can see his point.
Posted 12/16/2012 5:47 AM (GMT 0)
When he's not in moods, he's completely different. He's the one who supported me getting antidepressants and putting the kids in therapy to help with issues stemming from the divorce. Their biological father isn't very involved. My husband is. He has been since they were 2 and 4. Now they are 6 and 8. I don't why he feels he can't be a step parent. He's very closed off in these moods. He won't talk to me but it hurts me to have a wall between us.
I told him I can accept a divorce if the decision is made in his regular mood. I don't want this to be a light decision. My kids are involved and they deserve this being very thought out.
I know I was wrong in keeping things from him no matter my health issues. He's my husband and he loves my kids. It's just a hard to habit to break.
Posted 12/16/2012 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi A_V,

I am sorry that you are going through this. Take it one day at a time. Try not to make any big decisions all at once. It is hard when our partner's aren't happy. But like you said, it could be the depression talking. Though I wouldn't want him constantly changing his mind either. Give it a couple of days, sleep on it and see how you feel. Take the kid's feelings in consideration through all of this, I have a feeling that they are going to be hurt. They might even get a little insecure too. Watch for that. I would see about seeing a counselor. If he would go that would be even better. Like I say, one day at a time. I hope things work out for the best.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/16/2012 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
AV

Perhaps he will agree to couples counceling after a while. through it out there, can not hurt at this point.

I have received some awesome advice, nothing I can really add. I can feel your emotional pain clearly. Try to take it one day at a time. this is hard in your situation, but duable.

Stay strong and I wish you peace.
Trina
Posted 12/16/2012 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
Last night after he screamed in my face I broke down. I think he saw what this all does to me. I was on the couch after I'd taken a Xanax and he lay down with me to cuddle. The thing is no matter how sweet he is, it makes me confused. I love the man with all my heart but I need stability for my kids and for me.
Not only that but at one point in the midst of it all he called his parents and told them to not answer my calls. Ive been very close to mother in law and today she isn't answering my calls. It's very hurtful to find out that if he left me she, too, would cut me out. My kids adore her and now I'm worried that I may need to start putting a bit of separation there to protect my kids. I just don't if that is upset self or my rational self thinking. I try to never make decisions based on anything but rationale.
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