I can relate to most of the things that another poster said about depression ruining her relationship. I am in a similar situation. But I have started a new thread bc my rant is so long and I don't want to detract from her issue.
I am curious if anyone has a had a successful relationship while coping with severe depression? Or did most of you have to get to some sort of normalcy before having a successful relationship?
Like the other poster, I find myself starting arguments inadvertently with my boyfriend. And usually it ends in him getting mad and myself unable to discuss it. I end up just wanting to curl up in a ball in bed and cry. I can't discuss things rationally like I once could. Everything makes me sensitive or irritable, that at any moment I might break down. This, of course, just makes him more frustrated.
We don't argue a lot but when we do, it's rough.
Sometimes our arguments stem from me needing the reassurances that the poster mentioned she needs as well. I know my bf cares about me but I keep needing to hear it to the point that I am annoying. I am like a child.
I also have had trouble finding the right medicine to feel right. Many years ago, when my depression was less severe, I was put on Lexapro. I stopped taking it because it made me too hyper and energetic to the point that I couldn't function properly.
In the past year, I tried Citalopram (Celexa). I noticed a slightly better mood but not much. My doctor increased it to the max dose and I noticed my dizziness/balance/coordination became worse. After that, I was changed to Venlafaxine (Effexor). I was only on it for a week and it made me feel horrible. My mood worsened and I physically felt awful. I ended up having a seizure (first one ever) and had to go to the ER.
I finally went to a psychiatrist a few weeks ago. I am now on a mood stabilizer (Lamotrigine) and a depression medicine/sleep aid (Trazodone). I still don't feel great but I realize these medicines take time to work and don't fix everything just like that. I have found that sleeping better does make me feel somewhat better so it's a start.
I realize that the medicines I was on before were the wrong ones. It's a horrible process of elimination to go through but I think it's worth it to try to feel somewhat "normal" again.
In the meantime, it's hard. I am with a guy that tries to be sweet and understanding. He tries to be patient, he surprises me with things, cooks me dinner and has been there for me when I've been really down and sick. But it's gotten to the point where he resents me for it. My depression has taken a heavy toll on him. He feels like I am never satisfied or happy with what he does for me. Despite the fact that I am constantly telling him how appreciative I am and how much I care about him.
My bf never talks about our future, even though we have been together for over a yr and a half. He feels cornered and uncomfortable when I ask him about it. I found out recently from him that it's bc he doesn't want to have a house and kids with someone like me. Someone who is sick and can't take care of herself. But I want to hear about a possible future together. It gives me hope and something to look forward to so it is discouraging when he does not do this. Though in past relationships and in my friends' relationships, this has been the norm.
I know my bf cares about me and wants me to get better. In fact, he expects me to get better and that is why he has stuck it out this far. But it's hard.
I know that depression is something that cannot be cured, and I'm not sure he understands this. He thinks that with the right amount of exercise, nutrition and meds, I will suddenly be better and live a normal, happy life.
I used to think this might be the case but now I have my doubts. I want to find someone who will stick it out with me regardless of this. I don't know if my boyfriend can do that. He says he has read lots of literature on depression but I feel like he never understands.
Our most recent argument, I couldn't stop crying. And he kept asking me what I had to cry about. How awful could my life be with a boyfriend that loves me and having everything I need. That however bad I felt, he felt 10x worse. And that he had felt that way for the past 7 months. He stormed out of the house stating we were done.
Maybe we're done, maybe we're not - but regardless the hurt always lingers. The hurt of depression. I do exercise daily, I eat healthy, and I take my meds. But it's hard to look for the hope in tomorrow when every day is a painful battle. A battle to get out bed, to exercise, to try to socialize and be "normal". Relationships seem empty even though I have great friends. I don't want to go out anymore. It's not like it used to be. And worst of all, I can't seem to explain it to one of my best friends (my boyfriend) so that he understands.
Are there any resources for people that are in a relationship with someone with depression? I've read my fair share of forums with frustrated significant others and spouses.
And understandably so. I know that if I was in my boyfriend's shoes, I wouldn't want to be with me either. It's not fair for someone to bring someone else down so badly. I don't meant to but that's what has happened. He said that I am cruel and unfeeling, and don't understand how he feels. He says that I say mean things.
I never intend to and don't try to be negative towards him but I know this how he feels. A lot of times, I think he misinterprets what I say but other times I guess I am inadvertently cruel.
Even if things don't work out between us, I'd like to at least have him better understand why I act the way that I do. That I don't cry because of something sad. That the way I act can't really be explained in a rational way. I know I am overly-sensitive, unmotivated, and tired. But that every day I try to stay positive, and that it's not for lack of trying.