Do you all just fill overloaded?

I know a lot of us have multiple health issues that we deal with constantly. Most days I try to just stay focused and get through it. Lately, I don't feel like I'm the one in control of me anymore.
I'm hoping you guys understand this because I feel so overwhelmed. I have anxiety that my mom and sister are major triggers for and I have to go to my moms tomorrow. Plus, my husdband and my mom don't ge along so I will be there alone.
Not only is that going on but my sister was supposed to inform me that we were dirty santa at my dads but forgot to until today. I already have gifts for everyone so I don't know what to do and its just adding to my anxiety.
I was recently diagnosed with ibs, my kind makes me very constipated. My dr put me on a high fiber diet and some nerve pills to help me digest. 5 days in and I'm majorly constipated agsin despite very strictly following his instructions. Of course, he's out of town for the holiday.
Sometime soon I should get my judgement on my disabilitycase. Very nervewracking. Anyway, I'm very stressed, feel like crap, and would prefer to just hide under my bed til this is all over.

I think what has been holding me back has been that I was raised by a grandmother who always taught me that family comes first. I love that. Unfortunately, you are right my mom and sister are not family members but abusive strangers. I'm trying to distance myself and learn to just ignore their attempts to drag me back.
I want my kids to know that I have no favorites. I love them for the individual people they are and one day will be. I want them to hold family up high like I wish I could. I want security for them so their lives are nevef so ruled by anxiety that at times I can't even go outside.
I sm in counseling to help with this problem. I'm trying to let the bad go. Maybe soon I can banish the trolls back under the bridge.

If I may ask, how do some of you that have had to cut off family members managed, like in my situation, my niece and nephews? I love those kids and I hate to think I may not see them grow.
My therapist says we are a good spot. I've been validated by other members of the family that my mom and sister constantly bad talk me. That helps a lot because I used to use the excuse that maybe I'm being hyper sensitive.
The kids are the hard part for me. I used to baby sit them all the time before my sister decided my house was too far away. (Turns out it was an excuse for her to quit her job).

How often I see them depends on her mood or if her friends are going out for the night. These kids are 5, 2, and 3 months old. I have always been a very hands aunt. Our kids love each other. That is what hurts. That she doesn't consider the kids.

I wouldn't cut them out lightly. Truthfully, I miss the way things were but we are all different now. Life touched us in different ways but I seem to be the only one capable of sympathy, empathy, and not wanting to be catty all the time.
I think this says it all: my mom is always commenting on how laid I used to be. Now I can't withstand a visit with either for an hour. They can be mean, judgemental, and gossipy. All of which are things I try to avoid. Then they team against me, which seems always now, it's about stupid things. I just feel like I need a break but I don't think that would draw enough attention to either to get any kind of change in them.

We (hubby and I) went to my moms Christmas. I made sure I took a Xanax 45 minutes before. We got there and there were a bunch of people we didn't know. Apparently, she got imagined to this moocher. This man hasn't worked the whole year they've been together. He expects my mom to pay his way. I know, it's her life.
My nephew came running up and threw himself at my, which was nice. I love that kid! He's got my kind of personality. Then he noticed my very bloated tummy (ibs got me out, instead of down) and starts yelling I have a baby in my belly. My mom got mad and my sister starts yelling that I just want steal her 3 month olds limelight. All in front of loser guys family. My husband got them quiet and explained that I just have severe bloating from IBS
I got to spent a lot of time with the kids. I missed them and I hate that my kids didn't get to be there.
My sister kept making comments about my bloating just an excuse for being fat. Which I know mom heard but said nothing. Even after my sisters rudeness I was excited to give the gifts we brought. My niece broke their DVD player this past fall and because their money is so tight they couldn't afford another one. My husband and I got them a nice blu ray/ DVD player. My brother in law actually hugged me. Said he was tired of having to watch everything on the laptop. My sister never said anything but just knowing they have it is enough.
I got my mom a tv show set on DVD that she has been wanting forever. She actually was very pleased with hers.
So it was a mixed night. I enjoy the kids and I wish they could play all together. Also I told Santa to take my bloating away for Christmas and he didn't! Guess I'm getting coal. Lol

My husband says I'm too restrained when I'm angry at them. I was physically abused as a child and since then I'm not only very emotionally contained but anger causes panic attacks. Confrontations can cause them, too. This is another thing I'm working on in therapy. My husband also gets mad because from the time she gets there I'm expected to care for my kids and hers. She refuses to acknowledge that I have limitations.
Today I felt so bad because we did Christmas with our dad and his new wife. His wife has 2 younger teens. I got them both gifts but my sister left them out completely. Not even mentioned on the card.
She also brought up my belly again. Which I know is big but none of my meds are working and I'm about desperate over it. It is so swollen I really look 6 months pregnant.
I've had some strap match issues since my gallbladder removal. I had dumping syndrome which I can now control with my diet, mostly. This ibs is weird to me. I'm afraid there's something else going on because its 5 days now and I am still constipated. I've taken over the counter stuff and I've rested my system with a liquid diet but my belly just gets bigger.

I try to drink at least 6 of my thermos thing of water. I don't think the kids ever really let me sit. Lol! But I will definitely try the herb and apples. I just worry cause I'm beginning think eating may not be a good idea until I can get some of this relieved.

I made through the holidays probably by the grace of xanax lol. Anyway, the kids had fun and that is what matters.

That was very nice of you. Especially since your father was an abuser. I am glad he is getting help for that. And that you deal with it as well as you do. That would be hard. You are a very forgiving person.

I hope that this is a good day for you.

Hugs, Karen

That's true. I guess I've martyred myself in a situation that didn't call for it. I adore my sisters kids but I hate watching her treatment of them. In a way I've probably annoyed them just as much as they get to me. I try very hard to not be judgemental but that in itself can make others uncomfortable. I tend towards less emotion in public which makes them both say I'm cold. Maybe I should have tried to explain better why I can't just let go but I don't know that that would have helped.
My mom, when I was small, used to tell me that my dad was her biggest mistake or tell me to quit making certain facial expressions because it made me look like him. At the time, I thought it was me that she resented. She was a teen when she had me. As a grown up I can understand the statements better. I think sometimes even in families some people just don't know how to communicate. I didn't turn out like she thought I would and that bothers her.

That's what I'm hoping to achieve through therapy. I don't want to hold on to all that negativity. I want so much to be able to not let them get to me.
I don't want that to circle to continue. My husband is always telling me that I just need to write them all off. Through me trying to be compassionate I gave them power that they abuse. I just have to figure out how I can make that separation without my niece and nephews thinking I don't care or love them. If they were older I could just tell them but they are all 5 & under.

I cut my mom off once before. She upped and moved 8 hours away with her newest loser boyfriend without even telling me. She told my sister but didn't tell me until she was on the road. I quit taking her calls and got her texts blocked. I was so unbelievably hurt.
She ended up coming back and she seemed to think that fixed it. I tried explaining that her actions really hurt me and she said we just needed to put it in the past. I told her I didn't feel that was fair to me. She went right back to her old behavior. So, it may cause a small change in her for a while.
My sister is a whole other story. She can stay madder than anyone and she can say the most vicious things and hurt you so much. I cut her off and the kids always draws me back. But it's time. They hurt me more than help. I don't want my kids to think its ok to be treated/treat someone else the way that they have. It just takes strength because they know my buttons and how to play them to draw me in. I am going to try and be stronger. Thank you all so much. I know I'm whiney and letting them victimize me when I should just take myself out of it. Christmas is just hard because I live giving to my loved ones and watching all the little ones enjoy themselves together.