Can't get over the fact that we all die

Hello everyone. Thank you for creating this forum, since I haven't found anyone to tell this to.

I have a big mental problem and I think I am going crazy. There are nights in which I start crying when in bed because of the fact that I will die, my parents will die, my dog will die, my friends will die, everyone will die. Not only that, but I can't stop even if I don't think about it anymore, or if I think about nice things such as flowers, and my heart starts beating fast, and it hurts me. It doesn't actually hurt me, I don't know how to explain it, it's like panic. It's like my heart is crying. I try to stop but I can't. One night, I really was crazy, and even if I can do other things ( I don't go completely crazy ) I start talking stupid things. My parents woke up and I was telling them not to leave me when they were trying to sleep like they would die. Now every night I am afraid when going to sleep that it will happen again. I've tried some sleep pills, water with sugar and taking fresh air. Fresh air worked the best, but as soon as I get back in the house, it starts again. Pills work harder and water with sugar doesn't work at all. I want to sleep, so I can't stay outside the whole night... I had to watch cartoons till 4am to finally get to sleep. I am 16 years old, and I don't see many people with this kind of problem, so I hope you won't laugh and help me. :(

I am sorry that you are going through this. What you need to realize is yes, we all die. But you want to make the best of life while you are alive. Enjoy moments with your parents and your dog. As you get older, you will notice more death. We lose friends and family. The important thing to do is appreciate it while you are alive. You may want to talk to a pastor or something about life after death. We can't discuss that here because it is about religion. But you can learn by going to church. Have faith that you will have a good life. Do talk to a counselor, they really do help.

Keep posting. Know that we do care...

Hugs, Karen

Daniel,

please try to relax. Breathe honey, you have such a long life ahead of you. Forecasting your death now will only create more anxiety!

The following link may give you the support you need until you can find an adult at school to talk to.

TeenCentral | Teen Peer Support:

http://www.teencentral.net/

I am sure you are not the only teen out there thinking these things, but I am sure there is an underlying reason that needs to be addressed. If you are sure 100% that your parents do not want to hear it. If you presented your fears honestly and did not sugar coat them. Then you should start with the school nurse or councelor.

Stay strong and think positive!
Trina

Your dog wont die from tarter on it's teeth. But you can brush them with doggy tooth paste. Don't use human tooth paste because it isn't supposed to be swallowed. Just google dog forums, I am sure you will find something.

There are going to be things that you don't or aren't into doing that you are going to need to do to help yourself. Such as the journaling. It does help to write things down. It makes them more concrete. So do try.

Learn meditation to help you fall asleep faster. You are too young for medications. Meditation helps relax you...

Hugs, Karen

Dogs relax us and give us unconditional love, that is something that is hard to find in a human. It is human nature to survive and we tend to watch out for ourselves. But dogs truly love you and that is good. Yes, take good care of him. Try to live your life to the fullest. You are very young and have a lot of living to do. Practice the meditation and do see a counselor when you go back to school. They will help you to relax and not worry about death. I think you will be okay. Make memories with your family for the future. Do you have any brothers or sisters? I hope that you have a good day...

Hugs, Karen

Sure hope you can get some sleep tonight, come on here if you can't as maybe someone will be in the chat room, can you try reading a book, possibly, keep us posted, okay.

Drinking any type of alcohol causes depression. So try not to. There is a tea called "sleepytime". Maybe you can find it there where you live. It always helped me. Try to look up meditation. It is a power within you and it is free. You can do it anytime you want. It helps me fall alseep at night and relax during the day. It is easy to do and only takes practice.

I am glad you slept last night, but don't continue to use alcohol please...

Hugs, Karen

Daniel,

Right now there are 12 young men in their late 20's hanging out in our family room. I have known many of them since they were born. At least half of them had some form of depression as teenagers. So please do not feel weird just because your emotions do not fit the stereotype of a "happy" teenager. It is practically a rite of passage to have depression as a teenager.

On the other hand, your thoughts and trouble sleeping are probably from an event that has happened to you as a young child that you may not even remember or from stress that is happening right now that you are trying really hard to handle and not admit that there are any problems. Teenagers can be so incredibly strong but in ways that can sabotage their happiness.

I had the same sleep thing happen to me as a teenager. Mine was from a very traumatic event that had happened when I was little but didn't even remember it until I was told about it as a young adult. I re-experienced the fear as a teenager even though I could not remember the memory.

Here are a few things that helped me:

I had a lot of negative self-talk going on in my head about things that bothered me, about myself and about the world in general. I found myself getting stuck in a loop of the same negative thoughts every night until I learned to talk back at the thoughts.

Each time a scary, negative, possibly irrational thought, came into my head I would talk back to it with a strong positive thought.

For you an example might be, "My dog has tartar and might die." Counter it with "Dogs have been around for tens of thousands of years without toothbrushes. They can survive just fine without brushing every day."

You will have to identify the scary thoughts during the day so you can come up with positive things to counter with at night. This is not an instant process and may take a few weeks before you make all of the negative self-talk go away. I often practiced the positive talk during the day so that it would be easier to do at night.

My negative self-thought were very personal and painful "You are stupid. You are ugly. No one really likes you. You are a burden on the world," etc. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to stop having to deal with that.

Like you I used food to help me sleep. It is a form of stuffing our painful emotions away under a layer of satisfying food. I learned to take Pepto Bismal to stop the acidic stomach pain of negative thoughts. i was surprised at how well and fast it worked.

The tough part was identifying and facing the painful thoughts I was stuffing down with food. Free associating in a notebook that I later burned helped a lot. I am still working on some of the issues. If you can ever get into cognitive behavioral therapy you will find a lot of support for dealing with these things.

Alcohol and sugar are toxins for me so they have never helped me sleep. My children love hot chocolate when they cannot sleep and a piece of hot buttered toast. When they had rough nights as teenagers we would do something silly like put the pillow at the foot of the bed and sleep upside down.

My point is find some activity that you can do every night or on the nights you cannot sleep that make you feel safe, cozy and special. It may take some experimenting. Keep trying until you find something that works. I recently found out that one of my children slept with his older brother's sweater under his pillow on bad nights. The older brother was already away at university so it was a way for my youngest son to feel he wasn't gone forever.

Other things the doctors say to do:
Have a bed time routine at the same time every night. Turn out all lights, especially computer or electronic lights.
Make sure your bed is clear of all clothing, books, etc.
If you wake up in the middle of the night, do not use an i-pad, notebook, computer or tv. Sleep studies have shown this makes it harder for people to fall back asleep again. Books are ok in the middle of the night.

I do not know what to say about your fear of loved ones dying. Is there a religious or spiritual person in your life you can talk to? Death is a very important part of life and should be talked about and explored.

I died once already just for a few minutes but I knew I was dead so I do not have a fear of death. It was not an experience I want to repeat but it also wasn't something terrible. I was surprised at how accepting my children were about it. My youngest was 17 at the time. We all have a time to go and that wasn't my time. They know I will die sometime and to prepare we have even planned my memorial service and wake.

We decided to turn my death into something kind of fun. After a party of all my favorite foods and people, the kids will light off fireworks into the night that contain my ashes. I get to go out with a bang!
The doctors say I should live another 40 years so I doubt we will have to do anything soon. I am grateful for each day I am alive but I am also at peace with it ending. I hope you can find ways to sleep and find peace with a happy life.

Daniel,

Please do note that even drinking small amounts of alcohol can cause depression. Even if you don't get a buzz from it. So try not to drink, even to go to sleep. It is not advised to do that.

Know that we all care about you here. So do keep posting...

Hugs, Karen

So even if alcohol actually makes me feel less depressed and get to sleep faster, it's actually otherwise? Do you mean that even if it's easier for me to sleep after drinking, the fact that I drink every night could be the cause of my depression? But it helps me very much, I panic without it...

I am sorry for your loss, and mostly because it was early too... 14 years... who did you loose and why?

And I don't only think about me, about my dog, my parents, my friends... mostly about my dog atm since he will be first... then my father, my mother and then me or my wife ( when I will have one )...

I can't stop from thinking to it... thinking is so easy that you can think something even if you don't want to.

I will try my school counsellor first. The problem is, maybe I am not tired? Anyway, I have to sleep before my parents do else things get worse... because I am allowed to stay into the night but not at the computer and the TV is in the room where my parents sleep... so I got nothing to do other than think... and that's bad in my case.

My mother in law taught me a neat little thing. I'm a worrier like you. So I have an empty shoe box and anytime I get a worry that I can't fix, I write it down and it in the box. It's kind of like a physical practice of letting go of things that I can't change. Death is part of our lives. It happens but I believe that as long as you live your life making sure your loved know you love them, it won't be so bad. Then you've left a part of you on all the people you touched in your life.
As far as your dog, I know how scary it is to have concerns with a pets health. My cat broke his leg and I was scared for him. Animals are resilient, especially when they have good families that love them. I feed my cats these little treat looking things for their teeth, chicken flavored. My cats prefer getting them from my hand, maybe your dog would prefer a slow approach with your hand than a dish?
Good luck and know you always have people to listen.

Szm,

Thank you for the lovely post. You have such a good way of expressing yourself. The only reason that I didn't mention melatonin is because he is so young. Usually in your thirties your body starts losing it. So I thought he might be too young to need melatonin.

I really like the way that you look at things, and I think your post should be rather helpful. I like when you said your husband listened to alternative rock on headphones. I lilke alternative. Well, use to anyway. I don't listen to music like I use to, not to keep up with it anyway. Oldies and goodies are starting to be my thing. I have a lot recorded on my mp3 player. Tons of CD's.

I wish for you a good evening, or day, whichever it might be for you. And thank you again for your lovely and informative post.

Hugs, Karen

Thank you Karen for your kind post. Music is a big part of my life and a great pleasure. I hope you get back to the music you love!

Chartreux,

I had no idea there were age limits on melatonin. I appreciate the information and will look into it.

Our pediatrician started our kids taking it when they were 8, about 12 years ago. They only took it for the 2 days it takes to adjust to the time differences between LA and Hong Kong or LA and Tokyo. None of us took it on a regular basis, only when needed for business travel. Unfortunately, we went back and forth many times over a two year period. It really helped prevent traveling with a tired, unhappy family.

Recently, my youngest son's gastroenterologist suggested he start taking 4 mg every night to help him fall asleep. We are seeing him again in a couple of days so I will ask about dosages for a 16-year-old. My youngest son is 20. The melatonin has helped a lot. He is almost back on track to sleeping normal hours. He is usually a night owl but staying up late was destroying his immune system. He has the same diseases I have but is currently in remission. Hurray!