Moved to a new city 9 months ago, it's not getting easier.

Hi everyone,

Apologies if this is a bit of an essay, I feel it best to write everything down.

I'm 23, and never lived away from home before. I lived in a quiet place in Wales all my life, and even attended a local university. I had many friends in the area and felt safe.

Last April, I managed to obtain a graduate job in London, I uprooted thinking it would be easy, but soon learned otherwise. I moved into a flatshare with two girls in their early 30's. One was a bit of a moody control freak who usually gave me the cold shoulder, the other was nice enough but never really spoke either. For some reason I always felt anxious talking with them, it was a constant anxiety that grew and grew. It got so bad that I eventually tried avoiding them altogether, making excuses to stay out of the house.

Relationships at work were also hard to make. I felt nervous around everyone, which heavily impacted my ability to make conversation. I avoided big groups, always had trouble making talking to people and became very quiet and cut off.

Everyone at home is supportive, I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, she cares for me but I sometimes feel like she's holding me back, I have no idea why I feel this way.

I've since moved away from the two girls, and into a new house with two guys, one can be quite rude & controlling, however he is like this way with everyone it appears. They're both very sociable and nice, and i feel i could get on with them quite well. But I'm always so nervous.

This has now grown to a point where I feel miserable every day. Every second I'm awake I feel like moving away, or starting again. Or worse.

I feel like I'm worthless, weak and pathetic. I was always a bit of a pushover, but now it just feels like I'm a failure at everything.

I know moving is hard, but it's been 9 months now. Aside from my housemates I have no friends, no one who i would hang out with. I can't be this unlikable, but I feel like I am.

I try to feel positive but it never lasts. Sometimes I'll force myself into feeling in a great mood, but by the time I go to work it stops. I am a regular gym goer, and will always attempt to keep busy, but it never helps for long. I'm sitting in my house by myself right now, but for some reason I just can't shake this negativity.

I really hate feeling like this. I wish I could just make new friends, but every time I enter a social situation I feel so uncomfortable, and I just can't wait for it to be over.