Racing thoughts / fear of going crazy

Hi everyone.

I have this thinking habit which has been disrupting my life for some time now. Its hard to put into words, but I'll do my best. Basically, I would have to describe it as an automatic hijacking of my thoughts. It has sometimes been a tendency for having an irrational fear for the safety of loved ones, or sometimes religious fears, but the most common type is the tendency to think bad thoughts about people who I see or speak to. I would describe it as a FEAR of thinking such thoughts, rather than actually inagining scenarios etc, its like an autmoatic habit.

I experience 'flash' thoughts of panic about this tendency being incurable, and then I have to relive the moment of the thought and check on the exact chain if thoughts that led up to the 'flash' feeling, in order to be sure its just a thought, otherwise I worry that it will make me even worse etc, and if I cant remember the 'flash' - then it will stay in my head for hours or days, not even letting me sleep.

Recently especially, it has progressed very quickly into more of a constant feeling that I have now 'reached the point of no return' in terms of this, and its become hard to imagine going back to my old self and being free of this.

Interestingly, these thought habits usually develop during times of boredom, loss of confidence and loneliness. And when life gets very sociable and party orientated, or when I get in a relationship, it completely disappears without a trace. Even during times of extreme sadness, like when I am getting over a relationship breakup, the tendencies don't exist, but as time goes on and I think about the girl less - the tendency grows back.When boredom and time to think occur, it starts again - small and infrequent at first, but steadily increasing in strength and frequency as the weeks go on.

The problem is that it now seems to be accelerating and I find myself asking will there be a point that I become so used to this that theres no way back from it. I can usually go out with friends etc and I forget about it for a while, but lately I can feel it even when I am having fun.

I did have a turbulent and unfortunate childhood, as well as later on indulging in a lot of drugs, but that was about 5 years ago. I have read a lot of similar articles to my problem and noticed a few similarities in the symptoms etc, but not in terms of some of my tendencies. I cant remember it being worse than how it is at the moment, so I am very worried, which I think is in turn making it worse in itself. Also, everything seems less vivid these days, its hard to enjoy life. I cant tell wether I have these symptoms because I am depressed, or wether I am depressed because I have the symptoms. Any feedback or similarities are welcomed.

Thanks.

Hi Joe,

and welcome to the forum. I believe this is a form of catastrophizing. Have you ever gone to a doctor or therapist? Talked to someone about your childhood?

I think that would be a good idea. I myself was abused for 15yrs by family members and have just started therapy 2 years ago. It is a relief to talk about what we were never suppose to breathe a word to anyone about.

You can start with your general practioner and go from there.

I wish you the best of luck. Keep posting here we support and listen.
Peace
Trina

Hmmm, most likely not true Joe. Like the rest of us, you may have some issues which have a name or "diagnosis" but that is all.

If you can bring yourself now, as a logical adult to ask a doctor for help it may be alright for you. If not, which is understandable, may I suggest you look into mindfulness or meditation to quiet the troubled times.

www.mindful.org is a good place to start. I use it in my daily living to quiet all my ugly thoughts and shut out memories. It takes practice, it does work.

Peace.
Trina