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Posted 2/3/2013 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
I'm spiraling downwards today. I can't believe it. I've been in this country for 2 years and have been fine. Now suddenly, everything seems wrong.

I suddenly really miss friends from back home. I've found out that it now will be possible to go back to visit in March for my 40th but am worried I won't want to come back.

I never even contemplated things not working out. Could I cope with my lifelong dreams not working out? What would I tell my current employer who've spent 2 years and a lot of money to get me a green card.

Oh, and there's a girl. ( there always is, right?) The one that got away, I found out has recently split with her long term partner. If I'm honest, on facebook, she doesn't seem that into me as I am to her but should I pursue this? You only get one chance in life and I fear I may be putting myself in all the wrong places just to show people that I'm making something of myself.

Apologies for the rant.
Posted 2/3/2013 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
I would talk to your boss about you possibly going in March for your birthday. Do you plan to come back? If he helped you, I would be honest with him. He deserves that.

I wouldn't jeopardize your job for a woman. Especially if you say she isn't that into you. Be practicle. Have priorities. You have come a long way. Keep that in mind. Write down your accomplishments. Make a lilst of the pros and cons of the situation. See what weighs the other out. Make sure you aren't going to make a mistake that you might regret.

Take care... Keep posting, we will try to help you figure this out and what you should do.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/3/2013 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks. Just been out for a run and that's cleared my head a little.
One part of my brain knows exactly the sensible things to do.

Sort out a visit back home.
Try to take it easier at work even if I don't fully enjoy it.
Work on my writing in my spare time in hope that one day it may be possible to switch to this as a career.
Enjoy some of the stuff I came here for at the weekend, weather, beach, attractions etc.

It must just be the depression skewing everything, so it's probably best not to make any longer term decisions until I get into the medication & therapy.
Posted 2/3/2013 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi dek,

Take some more time to think about your options. I have the impression that your "questions" are based on emotional upheaval. Never a good time make life changing decisions.

Karen is on the right track talking to your employer is you are leaning towards not returning, however, remember the grass is always greener. Once home, you may not want to stay and be glad to return to your independence here. A pros and cons list may be helpful to start with.

As for the love lost at home? It really is not a good idea, especially if you already know she is not "into" you. She will be on the rebound for the long term relationship, you are worth more than being second serving. Time for you to move on to someone else in your future who will love you for who you are.

That will come when you figure out who you are and what you like about you! It takes time and living to do this.

Stay strong and keep posting we are here for you.

Peace
Trina
Posted 2/3/2013 8:56 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, that wasn't really a rational thing for me to say about not coming back. I'd have to anyway, as I have an apartment, a car etc that I'd need to sort out. I think it was just the wondering if a visit back home would make me feel better or worse.

I want to hold off on telling work anything above that I'm feeling a bit homesick just in case it is held against me in any way.
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