HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

depressed fiancé

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 2/6/2013 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
Well. I'm going through a very hard time with my fiancé. His depression seems to be getting worse in the past 3 years. We have been off and on again because of it. I try to help and care for him but its hard because he takes out his anger on me. One day he loves me the next he is not in love with me. He's always stressed out , angry, He is only happy when he smokes pot. He's even committed himself last year to a mental hospital for a week because he couldn't take it. That was during one of our breakups in which I had moved out a week before. We're back living together after a break. He was seeing a counselor but he stops and goes when he wants. He was on anti deppressents but he doesn't take them anymore. He doesn't want too. I've looked for therepist for him. He said would go but the next day he doesn't anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm worried about him. He has displayed suicidal thoughts before. But he says he wants to live. But he feels a pain inside of him and he feels like he starting to loose it. One day he wants me to leave then he doesn't want me too. I'm so confused. He says he's confused too. Please help not sure what else to do. I love him with my heart. I want him to help himself.
Posted 2/6/2013 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Cgal,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad you stopped in, and I hope we can help you. I am sure he loves you, but it sounds like depression is getting in the way. You are doing the best you can, it is up to him to follow through. I am sorry he is not taking his medications, they would probably help him. And I am sorry he isn't making all of his counseling appointments. Hopefully that will change when he sees what his depression is doing to other people.

Be there when you can. But remember, you can't fix him. He has to do this himself. Keep supporting him and let him know that you love him. But try not to take his reactions to you personally. But don't let him treat you badly either. You are a human being with feelings, and we can only take so much.

You might want to look into counseling for yourself to help you to get through this. It couldn't hurt. Then you could understand his mind better. Or get a book on depression.

We can't talk about illegal drugs or suicide here. But if he is needing to alter his mood, then he surely needs medication. I would try to get him to take his meds, if he doesn't like them he can try a different med.

I hope that this helps in some small way. Keep posting and know that we all care...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/6/2013 2:22 PM (GMT 0)
cgal,

So sorry you are going through this. You must love him very much to put up with so much for so long. However, love can not fix everything.

I must point out that you need to take care of yourself and look at the relationship for you and how "toxic" it is on your emotions and life.

that being said, your boyfriend, will only get help when he wants to. Most likely when he hits rock bottom. If he is smoking, he most likely is doing other things, [we can not discuss drugs or suicide on the forum] He has already been in patient once from what you said, he did not listen to them. He is not ready for help.

Best advice I can give you is to consider moving out again, staying out until he gets help, stays in therapy and stays on his medication. It comes down to safety for you and mental health for you.

I am sorry I could not be more positive for you. this is they way I see it.

Stay strong.
Peace
Trina
Posted 2/6/2013 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Thank so much for responding. I'm new to this didn't have anywhere else to turn.
It's just very hard I guess for me too walk away.. Truthfully it is affecting me. Everyday I'm worried what the day will bring and how he is feeling. I'm scared to leave him alone.
It's very upsetting to me that he feels like this. He's everything you could want from a man. Except the depression part. He's so unhappy. Anybody looking from the outside would think he has it all. I wish that would make feel better about himself. I don't understand why he doesn't stick with the help if he knows he needs it... He's never been married or had kids. And he's 35. I feel like he's missing out on happiness because of the depression, . I'm so saddened by it because he is a very sweet person when he's feeling happy. So hard for me because deep down I know he loves me. Beyond the issues.
Posted 2/6/2013 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Trina. You can't stay in a this relationship if he is unwilling to even try for himself. If a man won't for himself then he's not going to change for you.
I've been in your shoes. I still am in fact. I married that man. My life is strongly controlled by his moods. He has the ability to make me feel like I'm nothing. Had I known what marrying him was going to bring I wouldn't have done it because its not a healthy relationship.
I do think therapy would be good for you. It's hard to get in the head of someone who is depressed because there is no logical pattern to their moods.
Take care of you because he won't let you take care of him. Let him know you love him but that you deserve better treatment.
Posted 2/6/2013 4:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you. I'm reading all off this it makes sense. I need to really be strong about it. And do what is best for me. It will be hard.
Posted 2/6/2013 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
It is hard, but it will work out the way it is suppose to. Take care of you first and formost.

Hugs, Karen...
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply