What to do now

Your marriage is a personal thing. If you feel it's an unhealthy relationship that brings you down more than uplifts you then you should proceed to maybe a trial separation. Try that and see how you do. There's no law that says you have to jump to divorce. There's also couples therapy or maybe she has depression and could benefit from therapy herself. Try to talk about these issues with her. You always have options. Take a deep breath and do what's right for you. We will all be here to support you.

Any long term bout with any illness, disorder, pain, or anything like that can be really tough on a relationship.

Its hard for both sides. The person dealing with the "thing" and the other person trying to deal with the other person dealing. If that makes any sense.

I think you should sit down with her, and ask her what she wants. I know you said its best not to talk at all to avoid an arguement but in this case I think it might be necessary.

In my relationship, when everything starts an argument it means that one of us is stressed out and frustrated and worried over something and we don't know how to let THAT out so it turns into anger/aggravation instead.

Counseling could help, or a trial seperation, even arguing a bit (in a healthy way) can help relieve some of the tension and pent up *stuff* that you both have inside.

It sounds like divorce isnt something you're too thrilled about, so I think baby steps might be the key. Try talking to her about the counseling and see what happens.

As much as I feel like my man doesnt understand sometimes...I cant imagine mucking through my life without him. If you love her and you feel like maybe its worth saving, then I wouldnt jump straight to divorce.

Just realize that other people don't cause our depression. We own that. This is a very difficult time of the year. But this month is almost over and soon it will be March. Things will be getting better. Just hang in there.

Hugs, Karen