Hello out there....my name is Melissa, I'm a 47 year old woman with profound, serious
depression. Been battling with this for at least 30 years. On the outside I look quite competent. Been a flight attendant for 22 years. But on the inside, I wake up each day and wish I were dead. Have been feeling this way (more often than not) for the past four years. I've had some periods in my life where it lifts, I guess depending on what medication I'm on) but this time it's really bad and unrelenting. Here are the medications I've been on: Prozac (when I was 21, and stayed on this for about
10 years. It eventually stopped working. I was at a high dose, 100mg). Then over the years I've been put on a variety of meds, combinations of the following: Effexor, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, lithium,most recently Pristiq, Vybriid, (both of which did nothing for me). I been on Lamictal for the past year (while trying other
antidepressants concurrently) yet still deeply depressed. It is so discouraging and scary to cycle through these drugs and still have nothing work. To feel suicidal each day, and yet keep waking up and trying to get through life. It takes more effort than I can ever find the words to say. Anyway, the latest medication I've been on for the past month has been Nardil, the MAO inhibitor. Was on that for a month and felt just as bad as not being on anything. So I'm going to ask my doctor about
Cymbalta. That's one I've never tried. But this is getting scary, folks! To not find relief for the past year and feeling literally suicidal and in agony every day.
Anyway I just wanted to introduce myself, and tell you I'm glad this forum is here. I have a lovely therapist...he is a CBT guy and is encouraging me to meditate but that is beyond me right now. It's all I can do just to walk each day, and try to make plans with others even though I feel like hell and want to be asleep. It doesn't matter if I'm on a layover, or if I'm at home. I just feel bad either way. I
pray that Cymbalta will work, because our next plan is ECT, which scares me.
But it also scares me to live like this too much longer!!! i am worn out. It is so painful. Want to never wake up, but too afraid to commit suicide. I know it would hurt my family so much. But God how I wish I were out of this pain, and that I could wake up and find something to live for. Depression feels like it has stolen my soul. I have no dreams, which is a very scary place to be. No motivation or passion for anything at all...no ability to hope. I just feel utterly dead inside. Like I am dragging a corpse around.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/8/2013 1:13:35 PM (GMT-6)