Falling Apart

Hi HW Friends,

I’ve been feeling really down and frustrated lately. I seem to be hopeless. I hate to say it but I feel really depressed and it’s getting the better of me…
I thought this feeling was temporary and would go away soon but it keeps getting worst. Each time I think I’m starting to feel better, it only lasts a moment, and then I start feeling worst than before. I’ve realized that all I do is go to work and then back home. I go to PT on Saturdays but it’s a task for me to get up and go. PT is helping me but when I’m depressed I feel like it increases my physical pain.
When I’m home, I spend most of it in my room watching movies after movies over and over again or just doing absolutely nothing. The only time I’m out besides for PT is when I have to do my laundry on a Sunday morning, and that’s just at the back of the house in the washtub. I avoid going anywhere and I don’t know why but I don’t really feel like going out anywhere.

Although I may do well in my studies, I feel like I disappoint my parents especially my mother. She can never be happy with me no matter how good I do or how hard I try because I chose the wrong guy. Knowing I can never make her proud again makes me disappointed in myself. I feel like I can never do anything right no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I think she blames me for the accident as well. I believe it was my fault although everyone says even if I did things differently it could have happened in a different location.
Work is overbearing to me now but I’ve got to hang on to it. I do need a job. I’m tired of working hard and yet people still take advantage of you since my weakness is I can’t say no.

I’ve been out of psychotherapy more than a month now. I may not be able to go back soon due to work. Now since things are getting from bad to worse, I’ve seem to start back coping with things negatively which I know is harmful for me and not right but I just can’t control myself. I learned a lot of DBT in therapy but…since I’m out of therapy, it’s been hard for me to practice.
I almost made is to a year since I stopped certain negative things. Now I’ve started back these thing before making that one year landmark. I had quit smoking that same time but started back now. My life is falling apart again. I’m falling apart. I’m beginning to give up slowly.
Sorry for the long vent.

Any advice please?

Thanks

UA

Dear User Anomalous I am sorry for what your going through. I have been in this house so long only leaving for doctor appointments. I am not even sure anymore why I am depressed. I am more concerned with the Anxiety and insomnia I have. I Also worry all the time. I lay down and my mind races and races from one thing to another. I am always in a good mood when I know I don't have to be anywhere. I would just rather stay home and not go to any events including family. I have felt like this for many years and I am trying so hard to get on the right meds and get my Bipolar, Anxiety and sleep issues under control before winter. I say Winter cause My Bipolar Moods Change with every season. I do hope you find a way to make things better for yourself. Your not alone my friend

UA-

You are not alone. I have been spiraling down and I don't have a reason for it beside the usual stressors of life. Know that we are here to support you and each other as we all deal with this big, bad thing called depression.

You have hope!!! You posted and we are here to support you. Let us. We can lift you up!!!

Don't give up- we are all pulling for you!!!!

Michele

That was a pretty cool thing your boss is doing for you. I hope you can quit or at least slow down. I have been smoking more the last few days. Like they say, never quit quitting. I find that if I am mindful when I smoke, it helps. I smoke by the exhaust fan in the kitchen window. That way I am more alert of my smoking. If I smoke when I am doing something, I smoke without thinking about it. If that makes sense. So when I smoke, I only smoke and do nothing else. I find I butt them more and smoke less. Maybe that will help you too.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

UA, Good morning. I hope you slept well.

the green cover DBT workbook is the best from what i have heard and I use mine from time to time. I just use a seperate piece of paper and work out the exercises. the sense of accomplishment is good and the practice is good.

Great plan for you boss, nice support there!! Great reaching out skill!

Bless you with Peace and strength today UA

Trina