So....

So now that I have some more time on my hands I wanted to explain the rest of my situation. I mentioned before how my baby sister now 15 was molested at 13 by an "uncle". Authorities are involved & therapists are as well. She has ***** *** twice & I asked what could I do as a big sister to veer her from that road. I thank everyone for their responses! It helped more than you think.
This entire story begins even before it happened to my sister. Years before. I am 20 years old now. When I was 16 years old, this same "uncle" attempted the same with me. It was a late night & my aunt, his wife, & two kids were upstairs asleep in their bedrooms while my baby sister, 11 at the time, & I were downstairs in the spare bedroom. He tried & once I was awake & realized what was going on, I threatened to scream & wake up my aunt. He backed off. & the next day he acted as if nothing happened! One might automatically ask why didn't I scream? First, I was terrified, not wanting to wake my sleeping sister, not wanting to wake my aunt who I felt would be so heartbroken & hurt when I knew she needed her husband & so did my cousins. One of my cousins suffers from leukemia & I felt so guilty that I could be the cause of them losing their father. As you can imagine, now, knowing what has happened I would do anything to go back in time & change my decision.

I went years with that in my head. I didn't tell a soul. I thought that me threatening to scream had scared him off & he would never try again. I thought!
Years later, when my mother asked me to speak to my sister because she had been acting weird, I assumed my sister maybe had something usual to say
Maybe she has a boyfriend, I thought, and she doesn't want to tell my parents. Once our parents were asleep & we were alone, she told me she just couldn't hold this inside & she needed to tell me something serious. Her eyes watery, I thought, okay maybe she smoked pot & she has to confess it???
I tell her not to worry that I am here for her no matter what & I will always have her back. Once my sister begins to cry uncontrollably & shake as if someone had hit her... it was as if I already knew. She didn't even have to say a thing. I just KNEW what had happened. Immediately I remembered that her & my parents had returned from a trip to California which is where HE lived.


I looked at my baby girl & asked her if "he" had dome something to her. To which she looked at me wide eyed & asked "how did you know?".
I can't describe my feelings & disappointment in myself. I can't begin to describe what it was like telling our parents what had happened & that it had almost happened to me & I could have stopped it from happening to her.
Its an ugly feeling of guilt & since that night that we told our parents, my step-father never forgave me.

I'm constantly being told by family & friends that I shouldn't feel guilty, but in reality, wouldn't you?

I wish if only I could change that one decision, my little girl wouldn't be suffering the way she is. Maybe if I would have screamed that night my aunt would actually believe why type of man she's with. She still lives with this man as if he is a saint.

Its a terrible feeling to be taken advantage of then to be thought of as a liar & a home wrecker at a young age but another to be thought of as these things by your own family! So I now understand that my sister is almost mourning the loss of these people who she considered to be her "family".

I just feel that that one choice paved the way for all the bad things that have happened since. Like my sister'*************being the hardest thing to overcome. Will this guilt ever go away?

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 5/17/2013 5:21:31 AM (GMT-6)

We both are seeing therapists for some counseling & thanks to some of that and a little bit of support from our immediate family, she hasn't ********after the last time. I will definitely think of everyone's kind words when I'm spending time with her & hope that the healing will continue with no further incident. The guilt in my case, is something that I hope will eventually go away also so that I can stop feeling this way

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 5/17/2013 5:22:46 AM (GMT-6)

Dear Dominique,

you're such darling. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. It is completely understandable that now, when you can look back, you feel you could have prevented this from happening and it must make you very upset.

But quite possibly, that would't have been the case you know... You can see how certain people reacted now to what that man did. Do you think that they would have believed an attempt if they avoid believing even now after all that was actually done to your sister? You cannot be blamed by anybody, including yourself, for reacting the way you did then. You were a child yourself, you were scared and you didn't want to ruin your aunties family.

You need to see it from the right perspective: When he tried this on you, you kept it to yourself afterwards because you put yourself aside to protect your auntie and your cousins.
You could have not predicted at that time that he would try again or that he would harm your sister in the future. He might try again even now!

I am so sorry you both had to suffer such injustice! Try to free yourself from his wrong doing, neither you or your sister have done ANYTHING wrong. Anything. Try to live by what is now, you can do so much for your sister, you can even use the previous experience to relate to her a little bit... I am sure she will appreciate a partner next to her, after all - she came to you first to open up about her suffering. And you were so sensitive that you recognized by yourself, you helped to spare her the difficult, painful explaining. See things this way dear!

He would like you both to feel guilty or blame yourselves for what happened, don't give him that luxury. Everything is HIS and HIS fault only. Your sister is broken in many places right now (none of this was caused by yourself, even indirectly), she is lonely and hurting. Join with her, make a team and fight back. Don't allow him to ruin your lives, he is not worth a spit.

Let us know how you are both progressing, we are with you. x

Post Edited (JARA Cimrman) : 5/17/2013 3:45:44 PM (GMT-6)