Help - why can't I be happy?

This is my second day here and it's nice to know I'm not the only one. Yesterday I did manage to go out and get a haircut and this morning went with my husband to take my son fishing. That's the extent of me leaving house in two day, and I took a short walk tonight. I know I should be happy and thankful that I have two wonderful and healthy sons, and a great husband, but I just can't. Today was the first sunny day after a week of rain and I couldn't even go out in mg garden. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep or read. I need to get this fixed, it's not fair to my family. I've ruined my friendships over the last four years as I sank deeper into depression. I truly am ALONE with no real friends, except my husband. I finally realize what a mean-spirited, judgemental person I was in addition to withdrawing into myself. I think I was always afraid to let anyone get close. Anyway I'm reaching the end, I can't stand to live like this. I did try to overdose in March, obviously it didn't work. I'm currently on 150 mg Wellbuterin, 150 mg Lamictal, 200 mg Zoloft, and .5 mg Risperidone and it just doesn't seem to be working. Finally, my husband's been out of work for four years, so there's a little stress. I just want to be normal and get back to the things I love doing. Has anyone out there been as low as I am, where they've tried to end it all, and brought back by anti-depressants?

CAF,

medications do take time. Also know that they are not magic and fix everything. We have to do some work also with coping skills. Look into DBT, CBT, mindfulness and meditation to help you through the daily bumps. I journal and use art to help me.

You may want to start a "gratitude journal" it is quick and easy. At the end of each day, you write one thing you are grateful for that day. It can be anything from tissues to peanut butter, to your husband.

Pretty soon, your outlook on life is a little lighter. Just give it a try and see what happens.

Peace and courage
Trina

Hi CAF-

I too am on Lamictal, Wellbutrin, and Prozac along with Abilify. You would think with all of that, I would be happy as can be. I am not. I too just want to lay in bed, not shower, not do anything. It's so tough to have this disease called depression. I hide it from everyone in my life and only allow it to show every once in a while with people I trust. Even then, they don't understand. They don't live with this disease so it is impossible for them to feel the hopelessness, the despair, the empty feelings.

But the good news, and yes there is some, is that everyone here does!!!!!! We all understand each other so you are NOT alone. I am still in a bad place as we play medicine roulette but I find so much comfort in the people here. I know that I will learn to live with this disease as I collect wisdom from people here.

Don't give up! Turn here! Post often! We care!
Michele

Hi Carl, thanks. I'm sure you're right about Cymbalta and the insurance company but I will ask again. I've actually had a good day so far. Went outside and cleaned pool area up then went to work in my vegetable gardens, then to a break with my husband and had a nice talk. I know I want some girl friends, but it sure is nice knowing I have a husband who truly loves me and will stick by me. We've been through cancer (me) together, building a house, 4 years unemployment and my depression - I think we can get through anything! It us a day by day battle and I'm glad today is a good day. Hang in there everyone it does get better!