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Posted 6/1/2013 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all,

I am writing this at the end of a long day, I've had time to think of a way to summarize my general mood and actually be a little selfish. (will explain the reason for that later)
I am a 24 year old single mother of two and pregnant with my third (and last) child. I am unemployed and live in a small town I really don't like. My depression started 10 years ago when my family decided to move here. I believe my depression is the result of years of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse that became unbearable once I reached the age of understanding. I have never received effective help and have subconsciously sabotaged my life in the process. I am very frustrated with myself for not being able to keep any job, not being capable of engaging in healthy relationships, and apparently lacking the discipline to follow through with anything. I have always felt like I didn't belong in this world and couldn't be a functioning member of society. I do not subscribe to any religion and currently am in a stalemate living situation I have no choice but to tolerate. I don't have any friends or family who sincerely support my well being. The only reason I have not committed suicide is because I have an extreme paranoia of the welfare of my children if I did. I need help so I can cope with life but I don't have faith in finding any.

I would be glad to explain things further to someone who genuinely wants to help.
Posted 6/1/2013 10:03 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum Lake,

I can empathize with your situation and your emotions. I have survived 15 years of emotion, physical and sexual abuse as a child, so I can relate. I don't have children, however I see that as a plus.

I agree with what Carl has explained and offered as advice to you. I usually do, he is such a nice man.

I have to say though I see depression as a an "illness" I don't like the word disease. Sounds fatal. Depression is not fatal, it can be life opening if we choose it to be. but we have to treat it we the respect the illness deserves.

That means going to a doctor and getting on medication IF that is what you need. Going to a councelor or therapist to talk about what you have been through and learning to "HONOR" how you survived and teaching your children a better way of treating people. Not that you would abuse them, that is not what I am saying.

Baby steps, first decide you need to step up and reach for help. Your posting here was the first baby step and you should be very proud of that. Now take the next one and call your family doc, start there for a referral or just talk to him/her.

You can do this, anyone with 2 kids and one on the way is strong enough. :-)

Keep posting here, we listen to and we support each other the best we can.

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 6/1/2013 10:38 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you both for your responses. And yes, you may shorten my name if you like. I can tell from the way you two write that I am speaking with pleasant people. To answer your questions; I have sought counseling before a couple times, but was unsatisfied with their warped opinions of my then-predicament. I have even been hospitalized for a week in a psychiatric ward at 16 for attempting suicide. As for medication, in the past I was prescribed Celexa and Wellbutrin and experienced more turmoil during those periods yet less progress. They allowed me to drop off the map emotionally, but be emotionally fragile in confrontation. This has made me take a more holistic approach to healing--yet I don't seem to have the concentration for meditation or the finances to obtain alternative therapy. So I am at a point of having to rely on cognitive behavioral therapy alone to rewire my self-talk.
Posted 6/1/2013 10:51 AM (GMT 0)
Lake,

So sorry to hear that the medical profession once again and let once of us down. maybe in the future you will try again. In the meantime, CBT is a good way to go, I use it myself along with mindfulness, it take time to pick up but with practice it improves meditation and concentration in general.

I go to www.mindful.org on a weekly basis theses days, I even get a magazine now I am so into it. I did not start that way though. check out the site and read some articles. Then there is this blog from out adminastrator here at HW. with a video attached.

blog.healingwell.com/2013/05/the-healing-power-of-mindfulness.html

Peace
Trina
Posted 6/1/2013 11:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi lake to ocean,

Just saying hi and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your depression and all that you've been going through. Sorry to hear that counseling didn't help much.
As Trina, suggested Mindfulness is very helpful is treating therapy.
I don't use any medication for my depression. However, I use the Bach remedies. I find it helps me. You can check it out online to learn more about it.

I hope you feel better. Know that we're her for you.

UA
Posted 6/1/2013 11:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lake,

I too would like to welcome you to the depression forum. I think you have gotten some very good advice from Trina and Carl.

Do keep practicing the meditation. That is all it takes is practice, and they say when you practice, you are doing it. It really calms the mind.

I hope that you keep posting. Trina and Carl pretty much covered everything. Just never give up. And take life one day at a time...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/1/2013 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lake,

I would  like to introduce myself My Name is Alexis ( known as Lexipoo On Here Lol) we have alot of wonderful members here that will help you Carl, Trina and Karen are wonderful people that helped me get through a rough patch of depression. I truly apperciate any help that I got I hope we can help you :-)   Alexis

Posted 6/3/2013 1:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hello again everyone,

I am going to my first counseling session this week. I hope this will be a good fit for me, regardless; I am going back and forth about taking medication or not. I have been reading some self-help books that have interested me in the idea of hypnotherapy. Apparently substantial research has found it to give the chronically depressed the 180 in behavior they've had so much trouble obtaining. However, where I live, the therapists only perform this on people with several referrals to them. I aspire to try this out after giving therapy sessions some months to be analyzed. I also think there is something besides depression that is wrong with me -- but I won't self diagnose.
Posted 6/3/2013 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Lake,

I like your quote, well the song it comes from anyway.

hypnotherapy can be very dangerous it not done correctly and on a person that is strong enough to handle it. That is why the referrals are required. So be very careful what you decided to do and who to do it with. Get references!

I do hope you upcoming session goes well and there is nothing like good old talk therapy to start with.

Peace and courage!
Trina
Posted 6/3/2013 3:44 PM (GMT 0)
I am scared to get hypnotized. I am afraid it will make my mind weak to suggestion or something. I would rather take the medications, as much as I don't want to.

I think none of us really want to take medications, but if you have a chemical imbalance, I think you need them. I hope that your therapy session goes well too.

Keep us posted.

Hugs Karen....
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