Living with Somebody Suffering from Depression

It would seem that most of the people in this forum are suffering from depression rather than coping with someone who's afflicted with it. I actually think you all might be the most help out of anyone.

My long term boyfriend suffers from depression and just started Cipralex 10mg. It's the first time he's tried pills in a long, long time and is the eternal pessimist about them. The only reason he's trying them is because I insist he's suffering from depression, but he insists that the problem is the world, not his mind.

I guess I'm looking for advice on how to be a helpful part of his life. His depression recently took a turn for the worse and for the first time ever I'm suddenly part of the problem. It's always been us against the world and suddenly he's put me on the other side of the wall and seems to be battling against me instead of with me. It's definitely taking a toll on our relationship. Not that I'm going anywhere. In it for the long-haul ;)


For those of you with experience with Cipralex, what should I expect with this pill? My internet searches have come up more negative than positive. Are there things that I should be doing or saying - or rather, are there things I should avoid doing or saying - that might help this situation to finally get better? Because we've been together 5 years now, and I'm definitely ready to see him smile.

Thanks. That's reassuring. He doesn't really have a set doctor right now... We've just been going to the walk-in clinic. He's made it clear to me that he doesn't like the idea of me talking to the doctor with him, so I think that's out of the question. I might be able to talk him into it in the future when he's feeling a bit better, but as it is right now if I suggest anything he'll just close me out. I could benefit from some professional advice.
He's also convinced healthy eating won't help. He refuses to eat breakfast, eats out for lunch every day with his co-workers and in the evenings we're both horrible cooks =P I've been planning to learn how to cook this summer so that we don't have to survive off of pasta or rice for the rest of our lives.

Hi fblueeyes,

Welcome to the depression forum. I actually was enjoying you and Mon1009 posting back and forth because of the compassion going on between you two and I didn't want to interrupt. But I did want to welcome you. Both of you sound like you have supportive partners and for that I am happy.

It is hard to watch somebody that you love be depressed. You feel helpless and sometimes pushed away. I hope that the cipralex works for him. Do know that it can take six to eight weeks to reach full potential, though he should start feeling better before that. Also there may be side effects that can last a couple of weeks in the beginning. That alone may make him decide to stop the medication. But try to get him to push through it. I have been reading where even with the bad side effects in the beginning, the medication ends up really helping the people. It is hard though...

Is there any way that you can get into any type of counseling to help you get through this. It really helps to have professional support. We can support you here too. We can share our experiences to help guide you through. It is a slow process. But usually a good one.

There are going to be times where he will probably want to be alone to sort things out. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you there, he doesn't want anybody there. Let him know you are there for him without pushing too hard. It could be touch and go for awhile. Struggling with depression is difficult. You feel alone yet you want to be alone at the same time. You sometimes lash out at the people closest to you. You don't want to, it just happens. Hopefully the medication will start working sooner rather than later. Then he can get a taste of what it is like to feel better. Keep your chin up. Stay positive, that really helps. Keep posting and know we all care and are here for you.

Hugs, Karen...

Wow. Everybody is so supportive I'm surprised. Really impressed.
I haven't had time to reply because things have been a bit hectic at home. One of our family members just got put into the palliative care ward for terminal cancer, which certainly is not helping the struggle for a happy household.

Mon1009, I'll definitely try learning to cook then. So far I'm really bad at it haha but practice makes perfect. A healthy diet is important. I need to strike a balance between things he'll eat and things that provide proper nutrition. I try not to bring up anything about the depression unless he brings it up first and wants to talk. He brings it up very often actually which surprises me, but then he's upset that all we ever seem to talk about is the depression. So I'm not sure what to do. I think it's just one of those darned if you do darned if you don't kind of things.

getting by, the doctor said the pills could take 2-8 weeks to kick in but he's about 2 weeks in now and far from better. I've got my fingers crossed for 6 weeks =P He's gotten seriously worse. I really don't think he'd hurt himself but the talks have gone from "Nothing is fun anymore" all the way down to "I want to cut my face up just to punish myself for being a horrible person." Or "I think I have enough pain killers that I could go peacefully and painlessly. I won't, but I could." We were warned it could get worse before it gets better. He hasn't talked about stopping the pills though, so we're waiting it out for now and I'm just constantly making sure he's not serious about hurting himself and reminding him that the pills will make it worse before it's better. (Half reminding him and half reminding myself, for sure.) As for counseling, I wouldn't be able to talk him into it. If I forced him to he would, but he would not be a happy camper about it. Also any time he talks to a professional he downplays the whole thing and acts like there's no problem. But given my above quotes there, there is a problem.

Keep Moving Forward, he is definitely a troll in a cave. Not sure how to get him out of it. He genuinely dislikes his friends for some valid reasons, so whenever he goes out he comes back worse than ever. He wants to meet new friends but once you're out of high school it's a challenge.
We're lucky to have a good doctor, and unlucky that he went on vacation immediately after prescribing the meds. So you guys are my primary source of information and support right now ;) The doctor did warn about it getting worse but it's SO much worse than that even. On the bright side, he's fine with just taking them. He's a bit submissive at this point which works for me. He forgot a couple pills already though, so I've taken to reminding him every day.

jeoch, that is SO nice to hear. I'm terrified the pills won't work because I'm sure you know from experience how bad at is at the start. I'll try to remember to be patient =) It's hard to live in close quarters with somebody so depressed and not get brought down yourself sometimes. It's nice to see so many supportive people here, especially since I'm not the one suffering with depression myself. Although when you love somebody, you suffer with them.


Sorry to reply in one ridiculous novel of a post, it's just you were all so nice I wanted to be sure to reply personally. Hope you're all doing well.

Blueeyes,

like everyone is saying, the medication has a very high chance of working for your boyfriend if he stays on it.

Then you have to make sure he says on it, some people, once they start feeling better decide to stop taking the meds a months later thinking they are cured, so watch out for that.

To help him in this period, try to get him to watch less news on the TV, this is depressing for anyone.

So sorry to hear about your relative, try to cut his visits shorter. Don't be surprised it he can't or won't go visit it may be hard for him. Try to be tolerant around this subject with him right now.

Try not to ask him every day how he is feeling, just a good morning is fine. If you notice a specific change in his mood than ask and follow it up with, how are you feeling you look happier, type thing.

Hang in there, the medications will be working soon and then perhaps you can talk to him about some therapy and a pyschiatrist.

Peace
Trina