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Sometimes I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel...

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Depression
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Posted 6/20/2013 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
I feel as though I shouldn't come on here and complain about my life. If I sit back and compare my day to day to other peoples it's not nearly as bad. But my bad is bad for ME! I am a single Mom to an amazing ten year old. I am an addict who recently relapsed. I have been doing the Methadone Clinic since the beginning of May. I have had a roller coaster 36 years. I am a survivor of physical and sexual abuse as a 3 & 4 year old. I am overweight (I used food as my drug for 21 years)(Then real drugs for 13 years) I don't like much of anything about myself if anything. I know I feel much better when I have a therapist to talk with but I haven't had insurance for 2 years so I haven't had a therapist for two years. ALL I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY!! I know I can't be happy all the time but I want to wake up in the morning not just because I have to but because I WANT to!
I am divorced and tell myself that I am not looking. But there is a part of me that just wants someone to love me. But I also know you can't love someone else if you can't love yourself.
I am FULL of FEAR and ANXIETY when it comes to my daughter. I am afraid for her to go to other peoples houses without me, I don't really want other kids to come over, I am afraid of someone touching her, bullying her, not liking her, leaving her out, her being overweight! I am such FULL OF FEAR!!!!!!! ALL THE TIME!!!


I am sorry for complaining but I just needed to get all of this (and more) out of me!!!



Suffering Silently...

MJD

cry
Posted 6/20/2013 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am sorry for what you are going through. I am happy to say though that things will work out. I am sorry you can't get therapy. Maybe there are some self help books that you could get to help you along.

I do have to say, you are going to have to let your daughter live life and experience things. You can't continue to keep her isolated to keep her safe. She needs to have friends. My mother didn't let me have friends over or go to anybody's house much and it really effected me. She was only trying to protect me like you are trying to protect your daughter, but I didn't learn well how to be in social situations, and it was really hard on me. So try not to do that. Maybe gradually let go. Get to know the parents of the kids that she is playing with.

You will get through this because you want to. I know you are lonely now, but in time that will change. When the time is ready. Have faith in things, and in yourself. You sound like a nice person. A good person. Your honesty will take you a long way. I hope that things get better soon. Hang in there. One day at a time.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Try this site, it is free and helpful.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/21/2013 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
You have a lot of fears and I do hope your seeking couseling for those. But, as a parent myself, you also have a lot of things to look forward to with your daughter, lots of good times ahead for both you and her, take one fear at a time and work on trying to overcome them, most of your fears for your daughter are because of what happened to you as a child, but if you can get to know the parents of your daughter's friends then your fears might become less fearful...get to know those parents, maybe have a funday during the week or on weekends and meet a chuck e cheese or some where and sit and talk to them while your daughter is playing...that might help...
However, your first step is to seek out counseling to overcome some of this, the right counselor can be very helpful, and you do have a lot to look forward to and your so strong for over coming some of what you went thru as a child...
Many well wishes and keep us posted as we do truly care...
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