Attracted to abusive relationship

I have a question. I've got a friend who came off a very abusive marriage. I applaud her for that. But what I recently found out was she had a "best" friend for 12 years, who she still kinda love. He can be nice at times, but abusive at others. She has a chronic illness, and he'd blame her for her illness and called her crippled in many occasions, and other names that I can't mentioned on this forums.

Anyway this tango dance has gone on for years. She's just started a happy relationship with a person who cares for her and would do anything for her. Long story short, this best friend of her got the new of it and decided to come back into the picture. Apparently this is not the first time. She had a good relationship previously and he managed break her relationship whom she was even thinking of marrying. And now she claims he's going to do it again with this new guy.

It's already started, he's already has abused her verbally/ text twice. He even have the odacity to come to her house and make a lot of racket. And for some reason she still forgives him. To me he sounds like a socialpath and a psycho to say the least.

Which brings me to wonder, is she attracted to abusive relationship? You know, it's good that she got out her previous marriage. But I felt the core of her problem is this abusive guy, but he's her so called best friend.

It makes me wonder is there such thing as being attracted to abusive / destrutive relationship. You know there's a saying you fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. If he keeps doing this to her, I don't see any good coming her way. Everytime she's happy, he makes it his mission to make her miserable again. And she accepts his apology and things seems to go back as nothing has happened... I'm concern for her... is there anything that can be done?

Or should I just not get involved and just let her go on her destructive ways. I feel for her own mental health. She's in denial.

Thank you for reading, I'm just a concern friend. I hope someone would give me some suggestions.

Post Edited (clarie) : 6/22/2013 1:10:32 AM (GMT-6)

I think it is easy to fall in love with somebody who is abusive to us. I did it for 23 years. I stayed in an abusive marriage. My first husband died at an early age. He was only 59 when he died. He didn't beat me after he quit drinking. I loved the guy even though he was possessive and not very nice at times.

It is hard for a person to see that they don't deserve to be treated that way. I now have a very understanding husband. He isn't mean, he doesn't hit me. He is nice. It took me a long time to realize that I deserved that. We all do.

I hope your friend can see what is going on. I have no real suggestions. If you get in the middle, you often become the bad guy. Tread lightly...

Hugs, Karen...

I was like that back in my younger days, I went for help and found out that my problem stemed from being abused as a child. I didn't I deserved to be treated any differently. I think your friend could really be helped with therapy to get to the bottom of why she is letting this, so called friend, or anyone to treat her this way. It's hard though when you have low self esteem, you feel this is the way you should be treated.

You are a good friend to be concerned about her, there are not may friends out there who would be that concerned. A lot of people find they should stay out of someones problems until something tragic happens and then they wish they had done something.
Good Luck to you and your friend
Jazzy