Hi guys

Welcome back!!!

Michele

I should've been in bed about two hours ago (but I won't sleep anyway; ever the optimist), but before I go, let us depressives have a toast. Cheers everyone! *hugs* :p

Welcome back NCOT. Water under the bridge.

NSSG: nice of you to visit our forum, sorry you are depressed. A good 10-15 min walk in the am to clear the cobwebs works sometimes to lift that awful mood that comes on.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Peace
Trina

@notsosicklygirl - Have an extra-depressed toast from me; I hope that helps a little bit :p

But seriously, I hope you are feeling better now. Awful mental states, where you feel like you are losing your marbles, are grim. But I've never not known one pass in my experience.

@BNot - Thanks for the welcome!

@Karen - Tired! ¬_¬. I got literally no sleep last night and am surprised I haven't felt as dreadful as I normally do on no sleep. To be fair, I wasn't doing a lot today. Mainly watching Wimbledon... <_<.

As from tonight, though, I'm gonna make a serious attempt to resolve this insomnia. I get too wired up at night time, so I'm going to try not using the internet for at least 2 hours before going to bed.

And now I'm feeling the tiredness... :-/

I am over my depression. Just a shallow momentary happiness but I will take it. It seems the downs last forever and the ups last only minutes. That's been my life in a nutshell. Maybe i will go see someone about it but the 10 times I've done so haven't proved effective so why keep wasting time and money? I will toast to you NCOT. I actually think we would have a lot of great laughs together.

Well, I'm back to utter fed-up-ness; not quite depression but it soon will be. For a start, not that long after surgery my skin became all sensitised and itchy. There's no rash, antihistamines haven't touched it, creams have no effect really, and not only have I given up hope it will go away, I'm scared that winter will make it worse, because cold and damp weather seems to play havoc with it the worse. I am in the achingly slow process of getting it assessed, but I'm not optimistic (surprise).

My parents are driving me round the bend at the moment. I just want to be alone all the time. I'm already a nervous wreck half the time, and freak out at noise. My dad is a constantly noisy person and never stops faffing around. I feel a bit bitter in some respsects, because when we (me and my 3 brothers) were children, he insisted on absolute silence, which was ridiculous given that he had 4 kids - why have kids if you want all traces of their existence erased, like Victorian children who were meant to not be seen or heard? And yes I know I'm a failure for still living at home with my parents at this age: I feel it each and every single day and I don't know why I didn't get away. I just had no confidence and no drive and I still don't.

Er, this was longer than I meant it be.... :-/ Don't worry about replying to it. Literally was just a vent, not one of those things to which any advice can be given for, so I do mean it.

PS: notsosicklygirl - You've actually summed it up almost perfectly for me. The downs go on forever while the ups are fleeting and ephemeral. I actually don't like being too happy because I know it won't last any time. I'd rather be calm or at peace instead, but I haven't known a feeling of peace since I was a child (and those were fleeting enough, too, but I do remember feeling it occasionally).

I really, really wish I could recommned a good counsellor for you, but I've had the same bad luck. Have you seen an actual psychologist as opposed to a counsellor? Almost anybody can set themselves up a counsellor or CBT practitioner, but to be a psychologist you need a doctorate, which is the highest educational degree possible. That's a big difference; and the one time I got to see an actual psychologist, I thought he was much better than the counsellors I'd seen previously. Counsellors are fine if you just want a sympathetic ear for an hour, but I had complex mental health problems which required more than that. Just talking didn't do me much good (although I do enough of it here <_<). And that might be the case for you too.

Anyway, I do feel a bit better now.... Thanks for letting me vent, folks. Not that I gave you much choice, but that doesn't count... >.>

That's too bad that you're living with your parents and feeling bad about yourself in that way. One thing i can tell you is that working and taking constant medial orders makes you feel bad in that same way, especially as you get older. Actually your dad sounds just like my mother. I traveled 1000s of miles to get away from my upbringing but it's never far enough. My mom hates noise and music and she wanted to live as if the children weren't around as well. I am too familiar with that lifestyle. I would imagine the fact that I don't want children has stemmed from my upbringing. I would never want to put another being through all of this nonsense. I haven't seen a psychologist lately because it's never covered by insurance. I saw one when I was younger and I thought it was incredibly stupid. As for a counselor, I can't see yapping to some person about my problems. what do they care besides getting another patient and a check? Ive seen a psychiatrist, I figured a psychiatrist can at least prescribe medication but unfortunately medication doesn't seem to help me. I don't think I am chemically imbalanced or that there's even a technical condition associated with my mental state, I am just negative and unhappy. I am not sure there is anything that can help me. It is probably genetics. My mother is like this too - very negative and complains a TON :) Luckily money makes her happy. I don't care that much about money.

I have the same gloomy mindset, ugggggh. Funny you mention feeling like having these people in your life made things worse. My parents were so miserable throughout my childhood, I always wished they would split. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, they didn't. By whatever reason, I mean convenience, mutual friends, for "the kids", money, my mothers lack of desire to leave her position of belittling my dad where ever and whenever imaginable and so forth, close proximity of their home to their workplaces (guess that's falls into the convenience category)... lol. Now I can laugh about it but LONG, pathetic and miserable story short, they finally broke up YEARS after we were adults. We got to watch their miserable relationship every day growing up, knowing they hated each other, wishing they would split for the good of everyone, but they were so self consumed they stayed together for their own stupid, selfish reasons. The story is more sick and twisted than I describe but it was overall just a sad environment where I learned a lot of stuff that I probably would have been better off without. Seeing people stay together and put on an act, act like something they were not for YEARS, phony, mistrusting, back stabbing people and, yup, I am related to these folks. Hopefully your family is not this nutso.