Hi. So, I am 20 have had both depression and anxiety for many years. Both depression and anxiety have had a really negative impact on my life. I did not have many people in my life before I became depressed a few years ago, and because I have been very depressed and anxious at times, I have found it impossible to talk to people at times. I would rather have people in my life than to be alone constantly, but I find it hard to be outgoing and happy because I am depressed. I have been trying for many years to get the support of my family, but they are not supportive at all. They all have their own lives which is something I am obviously accepting of because I want them to be happy, but whenever I try to tell them what I am going through or explain that I feel alone or very depressed, they ignore me or tell me that I need to "deal with it on my own", or they insult me for things I have struggled with, such as my communication skills (which are bad just because I don't talk to people very often and sometimes find it hard to know what to say) my appearance, and not having my life together. I try to stand up for myself, but I feel defenseless most of the time because nobody is there for me.for example, I went to a memorial service for a family member who passed away a few months ago. I was not going to go at first, but I wanted to be there because I cared about them very much and I thought it would be disrespectful not to go. I went to the memorial service, and then after the family were all talking amongst each other. I was not feeling well that day and so I decided to sit by myself until the rest of my family were ready to leave because I had no other way of getting home. I was sitting there by myself, and one of my family members came up to where I was sitting and called me "anti-social". I decided to call them later that day and tell them that I didn't appreciate the comment, and they hung up the phone.This is a close family member who I always thought I could trust, but for a while now they have not been very kind to me. I have told them that I don't like the way they have been acting lately and that I might choose not to talk to them, and like most of my family they just say "fine, go ahead, I don't care." Since then, a family member that I live with has been bothering me about how ignorant I seemed by not talking to them and how many other family members who were there have told this family member that they dislike me. I didn't intentionally not to talk to them, I just wasn't feeling well and almost didn't go but wanted to be there. I wish I could have, but it was a really sad day and I also had not been feeling well because of my depression for a few weeks before. I have tried to explain this, but they won't listen to me.
Even though I know that I need to take responsibility for my own life and decisions, I wish that they would make more of an effort to be encouraging rather than insulting. I don't feel like they care about me very much, and sometimes I would rather just not talk to them at all, but I feel so powerless right now because I have nobody else in my life that I can talk to at all, so it would be really hard to know that I am completely alone. I also live with one of my family members and because depression has prevented me from finding work so far (I have gone to many interviews but have
had no success), I can't afford to change my living situation, even though I wish I could be more self-sufficient and I feel bad about that. I find it hard to live with them because of the things they say sometimes, and it is really difficult to improve anything or feel any better with this going on. I really regret trying to get their support for such a long time rather than making an effort to find other support or have nicer people in my life. It is frustrating because if I ever thought that anyone in my family was dealing with depression, I would try my best to be there for them. Sometimes my family members tell me that they are "too busy" to talk to me, and even though I understand that they have a lot going on, I also think that they should be more respectful of what I am telling them and make an effort to respond. It is even more frustrating because I have listened a lot to their concerns, but when I bring up something I have a problem with, they either ignore it or tell me not to talk about it.
This has all been very difficult to deal with because I have no support from anyone and the depression I experience can be very severe sometimes. I am going to see a psychologist soon and so I am looking forward to getting an opinion and some help for this, even though i've had some difficult experiences with counselling in the past. I would really appreciate any suggestions on what I can do about this.
Post Edited (anxious0813) : 7/15/2013 2:59:50 AM (GMT-6)