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Mistakes Due to not thinking clearly

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Posted 7/16/2013 5:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

This is my first post here, but I've been beating myself up kind of a lot lately. I had some family pressures that I have been bothering me more than I was ready to admit, the result being that I haven't been thinking clearly and made a horrible mistake cat-sitting for a colleague I have great respect for. The cat's fine. Now I'm embarrassed and filled with shame over my own weakness and failure and not sure how to deal. I've apologized to my colleague, but I'm afraid I won't be able to shoes myself the compassion that will keep me from spiraling out. Anyone else ever experience this? Any ideas on what to do?
Posted 7/16/2013 9:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Midwatch,

We have to learn to be mindful and live in the now. Or the present. This juts takes practice. Are you seeing anybody for counseling? They could help you with this. Learning to focus on the present. Not the past or future. Do check it out. Meditation helps too.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/16/2013 9:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Midwatch,

We all make mistakes in life. Be thankful/grateful the cat if fine and that it appears from your story that is the end of it with your colleague. Of course don't expect to cat sit again. This is only natural.

We all learn from our mistakes. Trick is to live in the now, like Karen said and be present with today. Mindfulness and meditation help us do this very thing.

I don't believe this is something to remain shamed over or to feel so weak and failed over. Perhaps you are not a cat person or you are too nervous to care for anothers animal? So you found some information out about you.

There is also a thing called "common humanity" which is the belief that when things happen it is not one persons complete fault, that there is a connectivness; flowing joining of actions the are the cause and effect of things.

Have peaceful day.
Trina
Posted 7/16/2013 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the support. I'm slowly getting better and trying to see this more as a temporary setback than as a total failure of my humanity. It's hard though. I kind of want to isolate myself from everyone and everything right now, but I can't. I am seeing a therapist weekly, and she recommends "working from where you are now." It's hard to remember.

Where can I read more about common humanity? Any recommendations?
Posted 7/16/2013 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
I found comon humanity with Christopher Germer, PHD in one of his books
The Mindful Path to Self Compassion. It was just a 1/2 chapter though. But it is a place to start researching. Mr. Germer does lectures so I am sure if you search under his name or Kristin Neff you will find something under Common Humanity.

Peace
Trina
Posted 7/23/2013 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
I've made several apologies to my colleague, and I'm just trying hard to move on day by day (with the help of friends and my therapist). It doesn't seem like my colleague is ready to let go yet. I understand how she feels, since I failed her, but I feel like I cannot continue hurting myself over it. I wonder if this is okay? I want to move on, but wonder if I should continue to be upset with myself because she is. Thoughts?
Posted 7/23/2013 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
I would do what is comfortable for you. Move on like you want. If she can't, that is not your problem, it is hers.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/23/2013 10:55 PM (GMT 0)
hello my name is jackie sometimes i have problems lashing out to my mother for no reason and when i do i get yelled at things being thrown at me and having my stuff taking away from me and then i come and visit family and my sister has to butt in everything i do and i have these mean words and when i do i can not control my self i have been getting to a point where i just wanna die i wanna be in hell because i know god has not saved me and i know that he ain't gonna give me chances because of the things i do i wanna be better but how can i i see my neices and cousins they can be nice to their mothers but why can't i why am i lashing out to her why am i having a hard time being the ugly one what is my problem i know everything is my fault and i know that people fuss but my mom hates me i know she does she never tells me because she probley too afraid to say but i love my mom and i would do anything for her but she says i lie that is not true i get her things but she keeps bugging me about things like make me some diet coke make me something to eat somethings like that how can i just live a normal life
Posted 7/24/2013 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe you can find a safe outlet for your anger when it comes on? Do you keep a diary or journal? Even if you don't write in it every day, it might be helpful for you. I keep journals and sometimes I need to write in them everyday, and other times I don't.

Another outlet I use for myself is listening to music. When I'm angry, it's metal or gangsta rap. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes it feels like I can "park" my feelings in some hip hop, and see clearly to do what I need to. I hope this is helpful!
Posted 7/24/2013 10:04 AM (GMT 0)
Jacklyn and midwatch

welcome to the forum.

Midwatch you have some very good advice for J, in journaling, very good outlet for emotions. I journal myself.

I would like you both to know that whatever issues are going on at home with parents, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if your parents have their own issues.

and J, we are not supposed to speak about religion here but I will say the God does love you and nothing is unforgivable.

That being said. for you both, please review the forum rules when you have a moment and continue to post. We support and listen to each other here in a gentle and non-violent way.

Peace
Trina
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