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Posted 7/23/2013 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
I have the sort of personality only a mother can love. And what am I going to do once my mum is gone? I just feel like as soon as people get to know me, that's it, they're off. It's absolutely exhausting and wearying living in a state of not being able to trust a single soul. about the only person I trust is my mum: I don't even trust my dad. Not in the slightest, to be honest.

I don't trust anybody, I'm not close to anybody. God, it's not like I've thrown myself into work and made myself useful to society that way. I'm just useless, waste-of-space dole scum who hasn't enlightened a single, solitary person's life.

Don't worry about replying to this rubbish, chances are high I'll just delete it later anyway. But I'm not coping anymore, sorry, I mean I've gone from not coping to even more not coping. I never have actually coped with anything in my life.
Posted 7/23/2013 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Carl...

B****ing and moaning non-stop, now that I can do >.> ... Sorry. I feel like I was laying on the guilt trip a tad heavily in that last post (not on you specifically, more generally). I just feel like I possess an amount of rage and depression which is socially unacceptable. It's not like I go round beating people up (I'm 5'0" - I wouldn't get very far). I can confine the rage to words - apart from blowing up at home about once a month or so - but even that seems beyond the pale unless I hide it behind a jokey veneer. But sometimes it's just too painful and bitter-making for me to even joke about. I stop being able to see the funny side and rage instead.

Doesn't help that I'm so often genuinely the odd one out. What I would have thought was a relatively uncontroversial and obvious opinion about having a bag, for example, turns out to be almost heresy on the internet. I've tried to get used to having a stoma, but I just don't like it. It actually upsets me having to deal with the hideous, pulsating thing from outer space on my stomach. I need to get over that, but genuinely do not know how to.

Anyways.. It's 2am and I'd better be off to bed now. Just read your email... wow, that sucks about my doppelganger :/ I really had better go =/ But I'll reply tomorrow, again, thank you.
Posted 7/23/2013 11:12 AM (GMT 0)
NCOT,

You are you. No ifs ands and buts about it. That is respected here I guess. Wouldn't want you any other way.

I found I didn't trust people for a long time. That made me paranoid. So I find I trust more, and maybe get hurt more now, but at least I am not living in paranoia. But that is me...

We are all different. We all have things in our lives though that we aren't happy about. And that sucks...

But it is one new day at a time for me. That is all I can do. I think you will find that will help you in time.

Give yourself a little slack. Don't beat yourself up for the things you have to deal with. You don't deserve that. You are a good person. Remember that. We get you here...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/23/2013 11:19 AM (GMT 0)
NCOT,

I struggly disagree with your statement. I can certain empathize with your statement, a lot! I grew up in a nasty familiy, so yes your feelings rings true. However, The Creator does not make mistakes SO, we need to change your way of thinking by helping you with MORE coping skills.

You have already recieved such love and peace from others I would like to add that you should read the book and practice the exercises in it; they are mindful pieces.

"The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion" by Christophere Germer Ph.D.

Invaluable when starting our new path to a peaceful and self-loving life, so we can love others.

Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 7/23/2013 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you muchly, folks.

I've tired myself out with a lengthy reply in my previous thread (and whinging elsewhere >_>), so I'll keep this reply short. Just... thank you. I still have my copy of The Mindful Way Through Depression book; I'm gonna sit out with that in the garden today and read it. I'll look up the Self-Compassion book on Amazon.

Peace all :p
Posted 7/23/2013 2:24 PM (GMT 0)
That is AWESOME NCOT ,

I find self help books really work.

I hope that things start to look up for you!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/24/2013 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
Oops......

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll sit out in the garden and read my book!

My memory.... :-/

Anyway, thanks for reminding me, Karen. Hugs :p
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