Absolutely hopeless

As hard as it is, if that statement was an isolated or unusual incidence, try to move on and repair things, if that's what you want.

A few years ago, my husband told me that there was absolutely nothing he liked about me except for my hair. That was at the end of a three hour long argument following several rough weeks. It was like someone pulled the heart from my chest. I just wanted the earth to swallow me up.

A few days later, he asked me, "Hey, why have you been crying so much? Is your depression flaring up again?"

We're still very happily married.

That was a long story to say - sometimes marriage hits really rocky patches. Sometimes we say the stupidest things.

If you still love him, there may be hope yet.

Either way, I am so sorry to hear that you're going through all of this. Hugs!

It is so devastating to hear that. But I really don't think he means it completely. I think he loved you and I think a part of him still might, but I think it would be good for you to move on. Nobody deserves the emotional abuse that you are receiving. Let his ex get married, get on with your life, he will be alone.

Do contact lawyers, see if you can make payments to yours. If nothng else comes up. You deserve better than this. You are good person. I agree with the pro bono lawyer. You can often get good representation that way.

You can only try, and that is what you are doing. Get out of this situation with him. You do deserve so much better.

Hugs, Karen...

To Angelic Victory ...

   From what you just said, I can see that trying to convince him into seeing a couples counselor (a prior suggestion of mine) would be a waste of time - and probably getting your hopes up without good reason. That was an incredibly hurtful thing for him to say or do to you!

   And yes, I would agree with 'getting by' - that people say things they don't mean. Unfortunately, we do it too often in a relationship. But ... it is possible to stay with someone because it's a comfortable situation - and not love.

   I was in a 7-year relationship that had 3 separate start and stops. Looking back at it the past couple of years, I'm convinced the last 2 starts (or re-starts) were because we were so comfortable with each other ... and I think that statement applied to both of us. The love had dissipated after the first break-up. And blinders were on from that point on.

   Right now, he is obviously the opposite of any form of suffort for your other problems. I guess, if you can, keep peace until other things are under control - then ... what choice is there but to say good-bye! It's a destructive relationship that needs to stop - and it is his problem not getting over his former wife - not yours ... but, he can't separate that!

Prepare well .... and peace to you and your children 

 

I did convince him that I need the lawyer. He's not happy but he will write the check. I think he feels bad about what he said because he was very attentive to me last night. He also cuddled me when I went to bed. I'm still upset and hurt.

I think my plan for now is that I'm going to stay until after my surgeries. I'm on his insurance so if we divorce right now I couldn't afford the surgeries. Plus this gives me extra time to get everything ironed out.

I'm naturally a forgiving person. I hate being mad at people, it feels like a horrible waste of my energies. I know I'll forgive him and I still live him. I'm going to keep reminding myself that I deserve respect. Maybe that will help me make the right decisions. I appreciate all of your support. As you can tell, I don't have any support hear. It's all a lot to handle and I feel easily overwhelmed right now.

Thanks JB. It was a hard choice to make. I felt like it was using him, at first. Then the more I thought about it the more it felt like I have every right to use his insurance. I've kept his home neat and tidy, washed and dried all of his clothing, and made his meals for 5 years.

The only problem I foresee is within me. I do still love him. I knew he could be a jerk when I married him. I love him for him and I accept his flaws. I didn't foresee all of this. I never thought he'd hurt me in the ways he has. So staying while everything is so charged between us is going to be rough. He's been my best friend through many years now and this all has me without my spouse and without my dearest friend. I did talk to him about maintaining our friendship. He's willing to do that. I'm working hard to not let myself build up any hope.