Several panic attacks later...

so sorry you are in this situation.

remember we can only be responsible for our actions. We can NOT be responsible for how other people respond to us.

Try not to be so hard on yourself and I hope communication with family gets better.

Peace
Trina

In a hotel I really can't afford. With chronic conditions, I ought to have just come here from the first.

We will make the drive home Friday. It took eleven hours to get here. It will be good to get home.

I see my new psych on Tuesday. Family really knows how to push buttons. I have much more anxiety.

My elderly aunt decided it was time to move out of her house to an apartment. She asked us up to get family heirlooms. When we got here, everything became less clear, more nebulous, and it was apparent she needs more help. She does not agree. She is an adult so can make up her own mind. It became clear she wanted us to paint, and organize. That, although she knows she must settle matters, she really doesn't want to, and really doesn't want help.

The house is dirty, and has not been maintained. As an example, she left fruit on the kitchen table for several days, which drew fruit flies. I finally got her to agree to let me sort and cut up, and throw away the rotten parts. I kept trying to compost dead veggies, and she would take them out and put them back in the sink. She is a serious environmentalist, so everything is composted and all trash sorted. She had trash, both wet and dry, that was several weeks old. Hanging around. The night we got there, there was a raccoon in the kitchen.

It became clear yesterday, as we tried to clean out her garage, and she stood yelling about her belongings, that she really doesn't want to move. Now, with the realtor coming tomorrow, she has further backtracked. she doesn't have a place lined up, she won't register, she doesn't want help, and won't be 'talked about." She had lost her cane, but we got her another. She had agreed to get Life alert. we tried to exp-lain the realtor was bringing a contract. No dice.

This morning, she woke me at 7 to go to the bank to deal with her finances, but refused to leave the house until she found her papers. Maybe this wasn't the best time to clean her fridge, but I did. Mea culpa. I even sorted out the wet and dry trash... food from the last century. No, I am not kidding. she has been getting meals on wheels... which have been shoved in the fridge. As I was taking out the third load of moulding veggies, and brother was trying to bury them as instructed, she shouted "I don't want you to do anything else." We dropped our tools and we seemed at another dead end.

Sometimes you know the right thing to do, but are incapable of doing it. I know, now, that trying to stay there was a bad idea. I ought not to have tried, as stressed and anxious as I have been in recent months. I feel for her, a stroke and age robbing her of her life. But, as we pointed out, she has to make choices about her life, and continuing to tread water with it rising over your head is a bad idea.

Brother, who is a serious dear and a decade older than I, stayed. His wife, who is a therapist, has helped him greatly. he feels responsible.

it feels better to get it out. My thanks.

Myself,

Wow is all I have to say. You did a good job. Take care of you...

Hugs, Karen

Calm breathing, one day at time and knowing you did the best you could.

Peace
Trina

I haven't seen the necklace yet. Plan to do some unpacking today. And cleaning. And resting.

Aunt has refused services. And help, both from friends, family, and local services. We may be at an impasse (however you spell it)

It's interesting. I have a lovely amber ring set in silver, contemporary and crafted in poland. Sister bequeathed me an amber bracelet, set in silver, which works surprisingly well with ring.

Somewhat better, after sleeping and resting and hydrating and having some alone time.

I am coming to the conclusion that anxiety is far more a problem for me than depression. As I wrote before, anxiety runs through our family, but seemed to have less impact on me until about a year ago. Now, everything is kind on spinning on this axis, and I want to get off!

Family issues are never fun, and impossible to explain to outsiders. Everyone has their own particular issues. Again, you may know the right thing to do, but circumstances prevent you from following this path.

Currently on effexor for depression, which helps, but glad that I have an appointment with my new psych next week.