Being in a Relationship with a Depressed Person

Dear all,

This is the first time I have looked or even posted on a website concerning this issue.  I have never really spoken to anyone about it at all, which makes me believe that speaking to people that I do not know, will help.  I would really appreciate some advice, as I am really at my witts end with the current situation.

My partner and I have been together for a year and a half.  I have known he always has had depression, as he opened up to me at the start of the relationship.  We had a rough first six months, he would get angry and very inverted, never speak to anyone, believe that he was better on his own and that people were always judging him and out to get him.  We had our good days, but they always seemed to be tinged with bad. 

He then began to take his tablets, as he realised that the mood he was in was not right and that wasn't him.  He took his tablets for three months and it was like i had my partner back.  He was loving, caring, we began to go out every week like we did at the start of the relationship. 

Now, after a boy holiday away, he decided to stop taking his tablets.  He is very angry again, shouts at his family and me for the first time a couple of days ago.  He then gets very tired, sleeps all the time, does not want to speak to me, ignores my phone calls.  It is very hard for me, as i love him so dearly, and I am always hoping for him to have a good day and to go back on the tablets.  He has specified that he isn't and that I only love the man who was on the tablets.  And at times he says that he isn't sure he loves me or is even wanting to be in the relationship. 

It messes with my mind, and I feel all over the place.  Waiting for him to improve, whilst torturing myself that I cannot help him.

My question is, do i stay with him and hope that he realises, like he did before, and goes back on his tablets.  Or do i let him go?

I would appreciate your advice, as I really do not know what to do at the current time.

Thank you for taking your time to read,

xx

As someone married for a long time to a depressed person - and now separated - I can offer insight, but not advice. I decided to leave about a month ago because I couldn't stand not having the happy person I married. As a result, I am now so bored, lonely and depressed, that I am the one on antidepressants. It's making me wonder if I am crazy. I keep thinking about her and the whole life I left. But I can't go back unless I know she's the happy person again. It's a bit of a catch 22, as she is furious that I left.

I don't know if I will ever have my happy wife back. I don't know if I will ever be happy again. I'm just waiting to see what happens next. So far, it's not fun.

I wish you good luck. It's difficult. If you do decide to leave, make sure you have plenty of family and friends to lean on. You will need them desperately.

Know that we are here for you no matter what you decide... It is hard (very hard) being in a relationship where the other person is depressed but wont do what it takes to help themselves. I would have an honest conversation with him. Let him know that there is a huge difference in him when he doesn't take his medications. Talk to him about counseling, whether it be one on one or couples. I think that you seeing a counselor would help you to be able to deal with him. It certainly can't hurt. You would get different perspectives to evaluate your situation. You woud learn what you actually want out of the relationship. Try talking to him, don't put out ultimatums, but let hm know how you feel and that you don't want to live with this situation anymore.

I wish you the best. Take it one day at a time. Welcome to the forum.

Keep posting...

Hugs, Karen...

Hey BethJames,
it seems like you're having a hard time huh ?? I totally understand your problems and trust me, when I say I understand, I really mean them. Here is what I think you should do..

I've had anti-depressants before, and boy did that suck. They don't really do much, well at least for me they don't. I think it's better for him to slowly let go of his pills, because it's not really a healthy choice either. Let him heal naturally, but with your help of course. But I'm not saying that if he couldn't handle not having his pills and forcing him to not eat them, I'm saying that if he doesn't really need it and he could handle it, let the pills go bit by bit.

I think you should be there for him beth, encourage him without his pills, be there for him whenever he's at his worst and love him for who he really is and not for who he is because of the pills.

I understand that you love him whenever he is with his pills because he's more sweet, loving and *under control*, but if you ask me, it's not gonna be permanent. If you let him loose with his pills, and start loving him, encouraging him, be there for him always, understand what he's going through, comfort him and bit by bit, I'm sure it'll end with permanent happiness.

I wish all the best for you Beth and remember, never give up. Try and talk to him more, tell him everything's okay and make sure you really understand what he's going through and I'm sure you and your partner there would be happy.

Much love,
Joanne.