Depressed - could use someone to talk to

A bit about my background; I am Chinese-American, 18, male.  I've been moderately depressed since maybe eighth or ninth grade, but it seems that over the past year it's gotten a lot worse.

Now I'm at a summer camp thing at the college that I will be attending in the fall(CU-Boulder), and I've never felt so alone.  I feel like I'm not able to make any connections with my peers, and they all get along with each other so well.  It hurts so much.  We're also doing a paid internship thing here, but I hate the task I've been assigned, and it's making things even worse. 

I'm really scared since I'm up here for a month and there are activities even on the weekends which my parents refuse to grant me a break from.  My parents being Chinese have the whole "boys don't cry" stigma going... my dad thinks I'm weak and self-centered and my mom thinks that it's all in my mind and that I don't try hard enough, and it's just awful.

Professional help and pills are out of the question since my parents won't condone it, and I have no money to pay for the help or the medicines on my own.

I could really, really use someone to talk to and just listen.  This will make me sound like a jerk but I really don't want advice right now because I think it will make me feel even worse.  Maybe if someone would want to talk to me that would be great.  Since I'm expected to be at activities my time is limited but any support you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Please talk to me, either on here, or by e-mail; it's my screen name on here @msn.com.  I also have this screen name on msn and aol messenger.  Please... only talk if you have the patience and the time and the kindness to deal with me.  I'm probably going to be high maintainence and I don't want to overburden anyone.

I'm sorry this sounded so whiny.  But I could really really really use someone to talk to right now.  Many thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

~James

Thank you for your response and your kind words.  I did try going to the counseling center, but for some strange reason involving the fact that it is summer and the fact that I am technically not a full-time student yet(it's only the summer program so far) they can't do anything for me...

...I don't understand it either.

Ironically my evening passed well, considering the fact that I couldn't stop crying several hours before.  Maybe I'm bipolar?  How can I tell?

Also, I think I could use some advice at this time, if only to just get through this month.  Earlier I don't think I could have handled it but I'm at least feeling in control somewhat tonight.

Again, thanks so much for your caring and support.  There are a ton of activities planned all the way through Saturday, but hopefully I'll be able to update sometime then.

Thanks again.

Hello my name is Regina, obviously.
So I really need to get this out of me because there is no one else for me to talk to and i'm too embarassed to blog about this on my myspace or facebook. I just don't want people i know feeling sympathy for me or feeling like i am a ***** that always whines about her issues.

Anyways it's tuesday and since saturday I have cried every single day. The reason is simply because i have a brother with an extremely ugly personality. I have been making plans with my friends to go to NYC, and he states "I hope you get raped". This, might I add, is just an exert from the many many many insults i recieve from him. I will be talking and he would go "shut up i'm not talking to you", or "shut up i don't want to listen to you". I am not a submissive person, you tell me to shut up with such disrespect than anger overtakes me. Of course over the past few months i have grown a little stronger but for some reason this week has really done it for me. Lately I have punched a hole in the wall and broken the door.. i don't hit him of course because what will that do to me if i end up in jail or worse from my hate towards him. Oh by the way i really do hate him, don't tell me he is my brother i should love him unconditionally, noo - i hate that boy. He has ruined my life.

Also my mother cant do absolutely anything to stop him. He is just as rude and disrespectfull to her as he is to me, except for she is more forgiving. She believes him when he apologizes and they are all happy making jokes the next minute. I, on the other hand, do not believe any of his apologies because i know that the very next day he will say something so disgusting to me that will just get me in fumes again. So basically i try to ignore him, but that is impossible. I lose my temper so easily with him, i hate it.

When you see me around my friends i am a loving person, i am never angry. I feel like when i'm at home i am a totally different person. I really do hate my brother.. i just can't stand living with him. I don't know what to do anymore, and i'm so tired of crying over him.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

Hi Ilyregina,

I am so happy that you have decided to join us.  I am sorry for what you are going through.  I think that you do best when you ignore your brother.  And try not to let him get to you.  He has to be pretty miserable himself when he has to put others down in order to feel good.  So he is really not a happy camper, though he might try to act like it. 

Try not to take things out on yourself by breaking things or doors.  You are only hurting yourself and it is making him happy.  He got to you and that is his goal. 

You can do this.  Don't let him get you down.  We are here for you.  Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen