How do i help my husband

My husband has paradontal disease and had lately been worried about going to the dentist. He thinks the dentist is going to give him full dentures. He is 32 and has lost NO teeth this far. But he is scared he will have them by age 40. It started with worry, then anxiety,Then depression and now the last 3 days he has been talking extremely suicidal. we have young kids 3yrs and 5months. They need their daddy and I need my life partner. I know all we can do is show and tell him how much we love him, but is there anything else that we can do? I went with him to the dr to get some antidepressant medication and the dr said he had sent a request to the farmacy we said, but when I called the pharmacy they had nothing!!!! I need to get ahold of the dr and the meds ASAP!!! He was telling me this morning that he wants to take a few days of vacation from work and go somewhere to try and find himself. Is it a good idea to let him do that? I know the medication will only help so much and that overall he will need to cope with the fact that one day he will have dentures but he is refusing. Pease help any advice is appreciated.

Hello Scaredmama ......

   First I think you're doing everything you should be doing. If he meant he wants to take a few days away from everyone ... that's not a good idea. If he meant he wants to take a few days off of work - and be around home to think, meditate or whatever. With the assistance of some medication, that sounds like a very good idea. It is a time of reflection for him. It is probably a scary time for him - not just for what may happen in the future, but for what is going to happen on the next dentist visit.

   I went thru something very similar years ago. I went to a peridontist and after his examination and our consultation, I asked him "how long will my teeth likely be saved by theperidontal work"? My work insurance did NOT cover it. The dentist gave his predictably non-committal "well, there's no guarantee"!

   So on that basis, plus it being completely out of our own pocket for costs, I told him I can't move ahead with the peridontal surgery. So ... the option was partials on top and bottom ... and a lot of teeth pulled.

   I was 40 at the time ... and I had 14-teeth pulled in one sitting - and then the partial impressions made - all on the same day. It was a three hour session in the chair. And I have to tell you, that morning at work I was a complete basket case. In fact, it was the first and only time I have ever used breathing into a paper bag to fight the anxiety.

   It was a memorable experience.

   To make it worse, my wife didn't even go with me to the dentist. I drove there alone ... sat in the chair for three hours ... and shortly after drove back home alone. It was only about 3-miles to the dentist and the only med used during the extractions was novacaine.

   Trust me ............. he needs your continued support ... and he needs some help to control the anxiety. If he has to take three days off of work - so be it! Tell him to take four days!

Just keep doing your best ... lifetime partners are hard to find! If he ever want to talk to me, let me know.

Rob

 

Thank you guys so much for the support, I'm doing my best and still trying to give my children the attention they need and deserve. They are so innicent and clueless as to what's going on and that's a relief. He sees the dentist on the sat 14th. And I am going with him. He knows plenty of people his age with full dentures, parcials, missing teeth, you name it. Even my father has full dentures since his 20's.

If there is anything thing else bothering him, he is not being open and honest about it. He just keeps saying that he does not want to be ugly, society will judge him, he don't want plastic in his mouth.

He assumes when he does lose teeth it will be all of them at once, he assumes he will not be able to eat any things, he assumes they will not fit right, that they will fall out in public, and that his speech will be affected, it's as though our reassurance is not reassuring to him.

Hi mags,thank you. But no he has NEVER been like this. This is a first time this has happened. That's why in so scared. He is going today to talk to a priest. Maybe it will help