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Symptoms of depression

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Posted 9/26/2013 2:32 PM (GMT 0)

Hi all,

My bf of 4  years has asked me for space.  He has a very stressful job and living situation that I think affects him very badly.  He also has quite a few health issues to boot!  He is such a different person now ~ very serious, irritable, and angry! 

He told me what had happened at work one day.  Then 1-1/2 weeks later he had another incident in his living situation that totally changed.  I think those 2 events was the straw that broke the camels back!  Since then he has been such a different person.  He also mentioned that he wanted to see a psychiatrist.  As long as I've known this man, he has always been able to handle life's issues in stride.  I do believe he is suffering from depression.  I have done lots of research and have seen very similar symptoms he's portraying nowadays.  He has no appetite, sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, irritability, anger, guilt, fatigue, etc. He HATES his job but can't quit because he owns the business. 

We love each other dearly but I miss the man I once knew.  I miss our times together and the daily calls we had to stay connected.  I haven't heard from him for almost 2 weeks now and I'm at a loss as to what to do.  I wrote him a letter just to reassure him that I love him and that I am there for him during this difficult time in his life.  Still haven't heard from him...

It's very painful and confusing for me.  He told me that I did nothing for this to happen (him needing space) and he says it is surely unfair to me and that I don't deserve any of this. 

As we said goodbye to each other, he told me that he loves me and gave me an extra long hug.  I don't know what to do.  Should I hang on and hope?  Should I just move on with my life?  I don't want to abandon the relationship that we cherished for 4 years. 

Can anyone please give their input on this situation?  I'm at a TERRIBLE loss.

Thanks.

Posted 9/26/2013 2:49 PM (GMT 0)
Sweetie, it always sucks.

If I take your name as your birth year, you are talking about a college BF, yes?

At any rate, what you have said about this, it does sound as if he has broken up with you. I know how hard it is. And how painful.

I really do know.

But he has decided what he needs, and any relationship takes two, and if only you are trying it's not enough. And you don't deserve this and you didn't cause this. But that doesn't change that he has decided he needs to move on. He might change his mind, but I wouldn't wait for that or expect that. It sounds as if he tried to be gentle, but left you a little confused.

You are allowed to grieve, but writing him and trying to contact him will not change the situation. Be sad, grieve, and go on with your life. It does get better.

I am sorry.
Posted 9/26/2013 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
I agree,

You need to go on with life. And maybe in the future, he will come back. Give him time to help himself, it is hard, and a lot of people don't even try. So give him credit for that and keep hopes of the future, but don't sit and wait... Take life one day at a time and stay in the present, that really helps. Keep posting as that does help too. Get it all out here and we can give you some suggestions as how to proceed with life...

I hope that things get better, take care of you...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/26/2013 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Basil91,

Well that sucks a lot... I'd say do what your heart tells you to do. If you prefer to go on and move on, then be brave to take a step. But if you prefer to stay and you think that he'll come back to you, then you should stay. Ask yourself on what your heart wants you to do and follow it.

Since you cherish your 4 years relationship and doesn't want it to end, then maybe you should stay for a bit longer but if nothing changes, then move on. If he truly loves you, I bet he'll come back to you. It's your choice to make. Your decision to choose. Make sure you choose wisely for your next step. Don't choose if you're mentally down because it could cause a great mistake.

Best wishes for you,
Joanne
Posted 9/26/2013 7:28 PM (GMT 0)
Basil,

Welcome to the forum.

You are moving on into another chapter in your life now. You will grieve the relationship and go on to another in time.

In the meantime enjoy life as it comes, the little daily pleasures as you can. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, you deserve it.

Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 9/27/2013 1:26 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all your replies. I truly feel that it isn't over. He didn't say it was over. I think that he just wants to sort his life out for now because he's overwhelmed and unhappy. Maybe I'm in denial but my personal belongings are still at his house and I still have his house keys.
I've borrowed some books from the library today to research more on depression. It helps me to be more aware of their mental state.
I take life day by day and hope he eventually reconnects with me.
P.S. To Myself09 - No, this isn't a college bf. We are both in our mid-40s.
Posted 9/27/2013 2:26 AM (GMT 0)
I think stepping back is a good idea. Once he starts feeling better, he will probably come back to you. He is just in a state of funk right now with the depression. Just make sure you think about you and do things that make you happy. One day at a time, is right...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/27/2013 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your reply, Karen. I appreciate your input. I'll do just what you said and will remain patient with his "funk" right now. I decided not to make the first move because I don't want him to think I'm not respecting his need for space. The weekends are very tough though because that was the time we would always be together. Just like you said, I should keep busy and do things that make me happy. I'd have to get out of the box to be able to do that.
Hugs to you as well, Karen.
Posted 9/27/2013 9:31 AM (GMT 0)
Good morning Basil,

I like that name because I love basil. I have some growing that I have been cutting off of now for most of the summer. I use it in a lot of meats. Chicken, pork and beef. It makes everything taste so good.

I am glad you are going to keep busy. I think that is the best thing that you can do for yourself. Know that if he comes back to you, it could be awhile. It takes time to get out of depressive state. But hopefully he is working hard on that right now. I am sure he loves you dearly. He just doesn't want you seeing him in this way.

I hope you have a good day today. Take care and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/27/2013 1:30 PM (GMT 0)
My bad. Between your screen name and the 4 years descriptor, I made the leap, which was inaccurate. Apologies. Been working with the college kids too long.
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