Posted 10/5/2013 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
frustrated with my more recent life choices and situation ... I'll try to keep this short, but I stumbled upon this forum while doing a google search on a topic related to why I'm writing today...
I lost everything. I suddenly realized that I'm about 80% done with a graduate program, but I wished what I used to do would have worked out. It just kind of hit me, and I totally broke down and have been crying about it all day. I had a real, deep passion for my career in the biological sciences. Lost my job a while back (economy), then was working part time in a related field. I would have been offered a full-time permanent position teaching biology at a community college, but I didn't accept it because my partner wanted to move cross country. After 6 months of not being able to find work in the new location, she one day up and left me, because she said I couldn't find a job. now.. retirement plan, gone, savings, gone, car, gone, all my possessions, gone, career, gone, now living in my mother's house about to finish another degree. I can't even feed myself anymore, credit cards are maxed, they want money... Yes, my chances of getting a job in the new field are much, much better... I thought I'd try a different field, which, although I enjoy, it is not my passion. Why did I not continue trying? What have I done to my life? I gave up on my passion, and I'm pretty sad about it. I love biology.... I went into a deep depression. I dont' think I was thinking straight. I have always been more prone to depressive episodes than others, however, I'm not depressed now, I'm just sad about this whole thing. A fabulous therapist helped me to get off depression and medications that I was on for about 3 years; its been about a year and a half now. I'm just really scared that I've made a humongous mistake. Should I continue with the new career? do I have a choice? nobody would even hire me anyhow, now, in biology, as its been about 3 years since I've worked in the field. I miss the work so much. I was always excited about it, and most people saw that passion in me that I had for the work.... ugh, what have I done to my life? I'll continue, because that's what I do... I'm nearly done, I'll probably get a job doing something that interests me, but it is not my passion... I feel like I gave up on my life and am doing the typical thing of a person that isn't passionate about their career : I went for security and safety as opposed to what I love.
- M