Posted 10/6/2013 7:09 AM (GMT 0)
So, a couple of weekends ago, my girlfriend came home after a few days at home and said "I'm moving out tomo and we can't be together anymore" totally out of the blue, I was in pieces. She came over the next day and packed her stuff, and left. The same evening I had a voicemail from her, crying her eyes out, saying how sorry she was and she's made a mistake, and wants us to be together, and will do all she can to fight for me. Since then, she's been living at home, and we've seen eachother a couple of evenings. Everything has been fine since then, back to normal, it was our anniversary on Friday, we said how much we love eachother, want to be together forever, planned me moving out of our shared house and looking for somewhere just he two of us, planning a weekend away to celebrate our anniversay...just normal.
Then yday (Saturday) I was starting to get a bit worried because we had arranged to meet, and she hadn't got in touch. I tried calling her, but no response. She had gone out on Friday night, so assumed she was feeling rough, and just let her get on with it. I then receive this: Sorry I've been feeling ill and also dreading speaking to you.... I can't say this to you because it makes me panic and lets you down, hurts you. I need a fresh start to get better, the last few nights made me think about things in such a different way and I really need to sort out my stuff and things on my own. I can't commit to what you deserve. I care about you and I so want to be the person you want me to be. Its all too much and I can't be there for anyone. Your need for me scares me because I feel like I let you down all the time. I also need to be honest about who I am, which actually is pretty flawed and I need to sort that out so I'm not inflicting it onto you. Everything to do with the past and the house is stopping both of us from living our lives. You need to hate me and feel let down by me, because that is what I have done. I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. I can't get past the hurt and anger I felt from the caravan, holiday or since then with the boys. I don't want to and can't pretend it will be ok anymore. You need to make a fresh start because basing things on me isn't healthy for either of us. The feelings I had that first weekend haven't gone. I've tried to step up, suppress them, but its no good, the sinking feeling hasn't left. I know I'm not what you need, I so wanted to try but I cant do it. I can't ask you to be what I need either. You have such a good life and I'm not helping, a clean break its what's needed. Sorry X
It makes absolutely NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Because everything she said in that message, is totally the opposite of what she has been saying other times. On Friday, I expressed my issue that I feel nervous about her going out 1)because I know what a mess she has been in lately and 2)because she's lost a lot of my trust by letting me down. She was devastated to hear it, and wanted to come over to prove she would fight for me forever and never wants to lose me etc, and now THIS?!
She has recently been diagnosed with a form of arthritis and it has hit her hard, as she is only 24. She has a series of other things too, but it has brought out this depression in her where she has just pushed everyone away. She's literally alone. I put my heart on th line for her and really tried hard to let her know she wasn't alone and I'd do all I could to help her. I'm struggling because this makes no sense to me. We had a sort of fling about 6 years ago, and that fizzled out, but we always had a soft spot for eachother. It got to the point where we had to stop seeing eachother, because we both had other partners, and we were finding it difficult to "just be friends" we broke up with our partners, and got together pretty much immediately. We love eachother so much, and I just don't know what I can do now. I've had to delete her number because I don't want to annoy her. I feel so let down by her, but I'm also extremely scared, that she will disappear and I won't hear from her again. I just feel broken, and don't really know how to cope! Any advice would be most grateful! Thanks.