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Depression after loss, now losing friends and family. Help?

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Posted 10/14/2013 5:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all.

My name is Savannah and I'm new to the forums in hopes that someone can give some advice to get my way back. about a year and a half ago (May 2012) I lost my dad suddenly to complications with his kidneys and heart. I was just getting ready to graduate from high school when this happened and got left with a money hungry stepmother and a very flakey biological mother. I was an only child so no brother or sisters to speak of.

Over the past year, I've gone off to college and had to go to court over my dad's will. For a while after it happened, everyone seemed to think it was okay that I was just getting by. However, most everyone after a few months started asking me why I was still so upset. I quit getting as many phone calls or texts and it's like my friends and family quit trying.

I've been leaning heavily on my boyfriend and his family who happen to live in my college's town, but other than that I have made no new friends and now am living on my own in an apartment in town. I go to work and school and really don't feel like I have any friends or family. It's so hard because I feel like I have no one and I just miss the stability and happiness that my life had when my dad was alive. I was such a daddy's girl and he made sure I was taken care of and now I'm barely making ends meet. My mom has a new boyfriend and just doesn't really care to be here for me.

I want to go out and make some new friends or something, but it's so hard with how I'm feeling. I don't wanna go out and I don't feel like everything's going to be okay and I just feel like I'm literally not going to have a single person there for me if I don't get some help or figure out how to get my life back.

Can someone please give me some advice on what I should do?

Thank you
Savannah
Posted 10/14/2013 9:22 AM (GMT 0)
Vanna,

Welcome to the forum.

First I want to let you know what you are going through is the normal grieving process with some stress thrown in.

If your college has a Wellness Center I would check it out and see if a councelor is available for you to start talking to. If not, do you have health insurance throughwork? most likely not working part time.

Next would be to check for grief support groups in the area, they are wonderful if you give them a chance. It is bumpy at first because you have to get to know the people. 6 weeks to try a group is a general rule.

I wish you the best of luck. Keep posting here and letting know who you are doing.

Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 10/14/2013 10:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Savannah,

Welcome to the forum. I think what you are going through is normal for what you have been through. Trina is right, check out some counseling.

It is hard when we lose somebody we depended on so much. You aren't alone though, you got yourself, and that is a good person to count on. Let your boyfriend be there for you too. You need to give the two of you a chance.

I doubt that any other man will compare to your father. So try to lower the bar some. Nobody is prefect. But you will find you will be setting your standards with what your father was like. People have to grow, especially younger ones. So give them a chance.

I hope that things get easier for you. I understand about your mothers. My mother wasn't there for me. So I learned to be there for myself. Hang in there, things will get better.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 10/14/2013 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Savannah .....

   Can I ask just one question?

   What would your Dad want you to do right now?

   I have two daughters, and much more distant than I would like with one of them. I think there is or should be a special kind of relationship between a Dad and his daughter.

   It sounds like you had that. It is something to cherish. I am sorry for your loss, but hope you can put everything into perspective in time. A counselor would be a good start ... and/or a group for support that's made up of people with similar situations ... like the loss of a loved family member.

   The very best wishes to you.

Rob and Gizzy

 

Posted 10/14/2013 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
I think grieving can last a long time. I lost my grandfather a year and few days ago. I adored him. I'm still hurting from that loss.

I go to therapy and it is helping. First of all, don't feel any guilt over how long your grief is lasting. It's healthy to grieve. I'm glad your boyfriend is being supportive. Your friends may not how to help you. They don't want you to feel worse. A therapist is great at making you see the whole picture.
Posted 10/18/2013 9:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Savannah,

I’m new here as well. I can relate to a lot of what your saying.
Just two weeks before I was to go off to college years ago my brother was killed. I was devastated just as I’m sure you were when your Dad passed away. I let someone talk me into leaving for school when I really wanted to put it off while I dealt with things.

While at school I was totally miserable and completely alone. I could tell people knew something wasn’t right with me and I made no friends and became severely depressed without really knowing what was happening to me. When I would come home on breaks my old friends acted differently towards me as well which just made me feel even more depressed. It seemed like everyone felt like I should just get over it. Well how could I, I had just lost one of the most important people in my life.

Looking back the biggest mistake I made though was not talking to anyone about how I was feeling. At the time I thought being depressed was something shameful and I wasn’t supposed to still feel so sad for as long as I did. I regret that I didn’t seek counseling which I would do 8 years later after my depression was destroying my life.

Sometimes our own support system isn’t that supportive so we have to seek out others. Give it a try as awful as you might be feeling. You can tell other people what happened and explain that life hasn’t been the same since your Dad passed away. I think you’ll be surprised by the reaction you get. We all put on a front but with depression our sadness often shows through. Don’t worry you’ll find someone who understands and maybe even someone dealing with something similar. I think once you do it’s going to lead you back where you need to be. Grieving is a process and if that's what triggered your depression you have a starting point to explore why your still feeling so sad. Sometimes we have to go back to move forward but try doing it through a therapist or someone else who understands.

Take care or yourself
kjohn
Posted 10/18/2013 9:24 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for that post kjohn and welcome to the forum!
Peace
Trina
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